All posts by Jorge Longoria, PMP

Project Management Professional with over 13 years of experience in leadership, continuous improvement, & lean manufacturing. Currently pursuing an EMBA from the Jack Welch Management Institute.

Disciplining an Employee – The Bad Boss Way

Disciplining an Employee –

The Bad Boss Way

 

heads roll

The bad boss way of disciplining an employee is very distinct and easily recognizable. It is what sets apart the real bad boss from the mere imitators.

In order to be a hot shot bad boss, one must enforce employee discipline in the following ways. If not, he or she is just a pretend bad boss and nothing more. It is a sure-fire way of determining a real bad boss.

The following methods, in no particular order, are the hallmarks highly definitive of a true bad boss. Only bad bosses dare do these.

  1. A bad boss would go to the supposedly erring employee, shout insults, and tell him or her what they did wrong without allowing for a chance to explain.
  2.  A bad boss would let everybody in the office know that he is reprimanding the employee as a show of how powerful he is. The bad boss believes that this is the best and only way to instill discipline among the ranks.
  3. A bad boss would take the word of the first to complain as gospel truth and would not bother to listen to the employee being complained about. To the bad boss, it is an unwritten rule that the employee who first complained is the one telling the truth.
  4. A bad boss would treat a counseling session as a sermon where he is the only person allowed to talk or shout. He will go over and over the issue and his way of managing it until he is done.
  5.  A bad boss would ask the supposedly erring employee to admit to the mistake so that there will be no more wasted time investigating what happened.
  6. A bad boss would tell the supposedly erring employee that there is a complaint against him or her. The bad boss would not divulge the complainant and instead would ask the employee what it is that they think that they did wrong.
  7. A bad boss would determine whom to discipline by greatly relying on what he or she heard through the grapevine.
  8. A bad boss would be very vague about what behavior is not to be tolerated.
  9. A bad boss would not tell the employee the dos and don’ts. Instead, he would wait for the employee to make a mistake and then discipline him or her.
  10. A bad boss would discipline an employee by humiliating him or her or by belittling.
  11. A bad boss would tell the employee, after discipline is discussed, that he does not know what to do with the erring employee.
  12. A bad boss would treat any error regardless of its nature or consequences as if they were of the same degree.
  13. A bad boss doesn’t care about the procedures. He doesn’t follow the company policies when it comes to disciplining employees. A bad boss would give weight to office politics and have it reflected in how he would discipline a supposedly erring employee.
  14. A bad boss believes that the best way to achieve discipline is make a clear example of how it would be dealt with. A bad boss would tell the employees that for every error made, heads will roll.

When it comes to discipline, a bad boss has little care on how he or she would handle it. The main reason is that the bad boss believes that discipline is simple.

Discipline is so simple that it is a waste of time to think about how to discipline an employee. The bad boss thinks of discipline as a method of associating painfully bad ordeals to a perceived error.

The formula is simple – “Error equals bad consequences”. The bad consequences of course depends on the whims of the bad boss. Always remember that the bad boss has no time for simple things.

The bad boss always thinks of the bottom line. The bottom line in discipline, as far as the bad boss is concerned, is simple – if a perceived wrong happens, let it be known in whatever way, enforce discipline in whatever way, and more importantly…let the employees know that heads will roll.

Disclaimer: Bad Boss posts are meant to be humorous and should not be taken seriously..

The Wrong Way to Discipline an Employee…

Questions Bad Bosses Ask Employees…

questionsconept

Questions Bad Bosses Ask Employees…

It’s perfectly fine for me to ask questions…I’m the boss.  Remember, there are no stupid questions coming from the boss.  I decide if the answers are correct, stupid or nonsense, depending on my mood.  It’s also important that when I’m asking a question, the receiver is a quick thinker and always ready to answer. It is quite irritating for me if it seems my subordinate cannot understand what I’m talking about.  It doesn’t matter if they’re confused, and thinking it’s a trick question.  What’s important is they answer me fast and just the way I like it.

Here are my 7 favorite questions, let me know what you think.

Question 1: “Are YOU about to have lunch?” (Mocking)

Correct Answers:

  • “I don’t eat. I am a robot. Eating is a waste of time and keeps me from doing my work.”
  • “Absolutely not. I was just going to snack as I finish these reports.”
  • “I already ate while you were out of office.

Incorrect Answer:

  • “Yes. It’s lunchtime.”

Question 2: “You haven’t read my email yet?”  (I actually haven’t even sent it )

Correct Answers:

  • “Yes, (lying) I know the content pertains to subject matter and I have already drafted a response.” (Then I call them out for lying.)
  •  “No, I’m sorry. Please don’t kill me. If you keep me alive I will find it immediately.” (Then I throw stuff at him.)
  • “No, but I know the content pertains to subject matter and I have already drafted a response.”

Incorrect Answer:

  • “No sir. I haven’t received it.”

Question 3: “Is there a problem?”

Correct Answers:

  • “No problem at all. My problems mean nothing and of are no concern to you, all mighty one.” (Then they bow)
  • “No sir. I will cancel my vacation plans and work this weekend.”
  • “Yes sir, I am the problem. I will go cry at my desk and show everyone what a loser I am.”

Incorrect Answer:

  • “Yes, there is a problem with the….” (interrupt them immediately)

Question 4: “Where the hell have you been?”

Correct Answers:

  • “Bringing you this sir. Forgive me for taking so long, I am lazy.”
  • “I was worshiping at your alter and made offerings to you sir.”
  • “I was waxing your Mercedes sir.”

Incorrect Answer:

  • “Using the restroom sir.”

Question 5: “Are YOU going home already?” 

Correct Answer: (There is only one.)

  • “This office is my home sir and I never sleep.”

Incorrect Answer:

  • “It’s 5 o clock sir.”

Question 6: “Is that the best you can do?”

Correct Answers:

  • “No sir, this was only a draft. Sorry for wasting your time, I will finalize this immediately.”
  • “No sir, since I am not good enough for you, I will pay someone to complete this for me.”
  • “Yes sir, I am useless. Please forgive me. I will make an offering at your statue.”

Incorrect Answer:

  • “But sir, I followed your instructions exactly.”

Question 7: “Are YOU yawning?”

Correct Answers:

  • “I was just taking a deep breath so I could get some more work done.”
  • “I yawn when I work really hard sir.”
  • “No sir, it was her.” (pointing at someone else)

Incorrect Answer:

  • “Well sir, I stayed up late working on this project.”

So, what do you think?  These questions are neither stupid nor senseless!  Bosses aren’t stupid, employees are.  I’m the boss and I’m the one asking questions, and they better answer my questions right. Actually, I just realized I don’t need your opinion.  The only opinion that counts is mine.  I’m the boss.

Disclaimer: Abusing your employees is counter productive. Be a good boss and listen to their concerns and train them to be good bosses too.

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The Perfectionist Boss

5S_Desk

The Perfectionist Boss

I am a perfectionist boss. Everything is perfect because of me. That’s it. Just for reading my words, I have already made you smarter. Your welcome.

My work, how my employees’ work, and even how the stapler is placed on my desk, must be perfect. Everything I see and touch, must be up to my expectations. This doesn’t just stop for me; it goes to my employees as well. I can’t just let them be imperfect while I strive so hard to get everything to perfection. Sure, they get their tasks done at the end of the day, but was it done to perfection? Never. My employees need me to constantly correct them and show them how perfect I am. Here are some things I do to make my department a perfect place to work.

Never Change – Since I’m perfect, and have been so for so long, there’s no need to change. I remind my employees this by stomping their ideas out. When they talk about new things, business ideas or market approach, I remind them of how stupid they are and how perfect I am, therefore my department will never change.

Crushing ambitions – I can never fail. My employees will ruin my perfect image if they fail in trying new things so I have to be overly critical to myself and anyone around me. I extinguish any form of hope. No matter how promising their new ideas may sound, I simply cannot take the risk that it ends up in a failure, not even once. I remind them of this through rejection. I make sure my employees have absolutely zero space for creativity at the workplace.

Never be open-minded – New people, interests and passions are not for me and I simply do not waste my time with them. An open mind allows contaminates and idiotic ideas in which taints perfections. A closed mind is shielded from such stupidity and remains pure, and perfect. When an employee says “I have an idea,” I interrupt them by saying “I’ve already thought about that, my idea is better.”

I’m a perfectionist, and my perspective is the ONLY perspective. Everyone working under me must follow my ways and STOP SCREWING UP!!!

Disclaimer: Bad Boss posts are meant to be humorous and not to be take seriously.

 

Five Ways to be a Hands OFF, Paper Shuffler

hands-off

As a boss, I understand how important it is to establish strong relationships with my direct reports. That’s why I don’t establish strong relationships with my direct reports. I avoid getting involved in ‘messy’ interpersonal relationships. Leaving them alone is exactly what’s needed for my team to sink or swim. We work in a jungle and my employees need to learn how to survive. They should know how to do their job, so why should I care how they do it, just as long as it gets done?

I have learned that certain behaviors keep my employees beneath me. Here is my list of what my employees can expect of me as a hands OFF boss.

  1. I don’t get involved. I have learned that intervening hinders the employees experience and can develop a needy personality. The employee will begin to rely on me and give up trying all together. It’s best just to let them work their problems out on their own and never, EVER, speak of personal problems to me.

  2. I don’t clarify. I find it best to let my employees think for themselves and figure things out on their own. It’s best to keep my employees in the dark regarding the direction of the company so you can surprise them with bad news and impossible deadlines. This keeps them alert and always attentive. Sometimes when I’m bored, I will purposely provide direction in the form of riddles or leave muffled instructions on my answering machine for them to follow.

  3. I don’t set goals for employees. It’s best for your employee to work under you aimlessly, and without a clear career path. Providing goals for improvement just disappoints them when they can’t reach your high expectations. I just tell them they hold a unique “hybrid” position and that I can “plug and play” them into many roles. They feel versatile and elite, when truly they are just working in circles, under me…forever.

  4. I don’t give positive feedback. Employees love being looked down on and insulted. I’m sure studies have shown that employees are born with the desire for verbal abuse, and will quit if treated nicely. Treating employees nice breaks the spell and they realize they are better off working for someone else.

  5. I’m never timely or decisive. Regarding their personal schedules and issues, it means nothing. Employees enjoy being disregarded and forgotten. By never giving my employees a straight answer on raises, vacations, etc., keeps them anticipating. They continually believe I’m actually contemplating their request. Since their lives are meager and uneventful, this extends a little excitement and hope to them.

Disclaimer:  Building interpersonal relationships is good leadership and creates high-performance teams. Bad Boss posts are for entertainment purposes only and should not be taken seriously.  Be a Good Boss and do the opposite.