All posts by Melinda Longoria, MSM

Author - Masters of Science in Business Management with Leadership studies from Texas A&M University.

Conducting a Job Interview – The Bad Boss Way

Interview

Conducting a Job Interview – How to Be a Bad Boss.

First, get yourself prepared for the interview. Call in all the job applicants on the same day to sit in a lobby area that is crowded. Do not schedule specific time slots for each interviewee based on their availability. If they really want the job, they will make their whole day open. The extra waiting time also makes the candidates nervous as they eyeball each other and wonder who is better qualified for the position. Have your secretary make note of anyone who is visibly sweating. This person may crack under pressure and would be a liability to your team. Dismiss that person immediately.

The interview introduction.

Make the candidate aware that you are not interested in friendly chit chat. Humanizing the interview process is not a priority right now. Start by saying, “Listen, I have fifty other candidates sitting in my lobby waiting to be interviewed for this job. We are short on time today so let’s just get started, what is your name again?” Even though you ask for their name, don’t ever address them by their name at any time during the interview. This distinguishes a barrier between the boss and potential employee. You may ask for their name again at any time during the interview. Don’t smile or make any friendly gestures like hand shaking.

Talk about YOU; not them…

Next, catch them off-guard and start talking about yourself; not the interviewee. This is a direct contradiction of what you just said about not having time for friendly chit-chat. Express your mental thoughts about yourself allowed and see how he reacts. Talk about the company, your job, your background, and anything but the interviewee. Throw in some random questions about these topics and then appear that the interviewee gave the wrong answer to whatever question you asked. Make sure that your facial expressions are sour and of distaste or disappointment. If the job applicant starts to get nervous, point this out, and dismiss him immediately.

Hammer them with inappropriate interview questions.

If the job applicant makes it through your monologue without becoming nervous, the next step is to ask inappropriate questions about the job applicant himself. Inappropriate questions are usually the best at revealing if this person will be compatible with your personal tastes. When they sit down, automatically say, “You have three seconds to answer each question. Say the first thing that comes to your mind.” If they answer with more than two or three words, interrupt them with the next question.

  • “Are you a U.S. Citizen?”
  • “What is your native tongue?”
  • “What religion are you?”
  • “How old are you?”
  • “Do you have children?”
  • “How much do you weigh?”
  • “Do you live nearby?”
  • “What’s your sexual preference?”
  • “Are you married or seeing anyone?”
  • “What do you think about interoffice dating?”

Wrap the job interview up….

At this point, if you find that you don’t like the job applicant’s answers to any of your questions, ask them to leave immediately. Tell them that they are not suited for your job based on their answers. IF you still want to consider the applicant, now is a good time to wrap the interview up. Do not ask the candidate if they have any questions about the job they are interviewing for. This will prolong your interview. These types of things can be discussed later. Take a personal call and wave in your secretary to take the interviewee out of your office. She will explain that you will be in touch, but without giving a specific time frame for this possible communication.

Bad Job Interview…

Disclaimer: Bad boss posts are meant to be humorous and should not be taken seriously. For a guide on how to correctly conduct a job interview, check out these two links below:

HubPages

10 Leadership Quotes – Things Bad Bosses Say

bad boss quotes1

 10 Things that Bad Bosses Say…

1) “That’s a dumb idea.” There’s nothing more empowering than making someone feel dumb. Impressing upon others how inferior they are will feed your prestige and strength. Especially in a highly competitive setting, you can use this phrase to your advantage to intimidate and keep the rivalry at bay. Employees rarely point out that they are dumb. So why not point it out for them? You don’t pay them to think.

2) “That skirt is really nice on you”. – Women like to be complimented. As a bad boss, appearance should be your first filter to judge any female employee’s level of competence. Always take notice of their appearance. Compliments improve their self esteem, alert them of your expectations for office attire, and improve your office atmosphere. The shorter the skirt, the more praises you give. It’s a behavior reinforcing technique.

3) “This is the way we’ve always done it.” – Avoiding change is one key trait to leading as a bad boss. Change is bad. There is never a need for change. If it’s not broken, why fix it? The current way of doing things works well…most of the time. Employees shouldn’t be so bold as to question the status quo. Changes to routines take time and energy that you don’t have. Mind your comfort zones, people!

4) “That sounds like a personal problem”. – As a bad boss, you will find that employees frequently come to you with their problems. This is not your problem. This is their problem. They need to figure this out on their own time; not time that you are paying them to work. However, you can also use this phrase when the problem is work related and you don’t want to deal with it.

5) “I didn’t write the policy. I just enforce it.” – Oftentimes, employees will complain because they don’t agree with the office policies. Voicing an opinion and making waves on behalf of your employees is a bad idea. This may put a target on the back of your own head. Senior management may try to label you as a troublemaker.

6) “Just figure it out!” – How many times has an employee come to you asking for your help? Employees should be able to find solutions themselves. They should be able to use their brains. You are paying them to do a job and should not have to hold their hand for any step of the way. If an employee consistently approaches you with questions, look for a reason to early terminate.

7) “Who gave you permission to do that?” – Employees should always follow orders, directions, and office policies. There is no room for gray area. As a bad boss, we do not encourage outside-of-the-box thinkers. If employees want to do something, they should ask. They should even ask to use the restroom! Hierarchy and permission are important!

8) “Stop what you are doing, and DO THIS NOW!” – As a bad boss, anything that you need takes priority over anything that your employee is doing. In effect, you’re teaching them better time management skills by filling their plate. They should learn to juggle all these things and still meet your pre-determined deadline.

9) “I received some anonymous feedback about you.” – Whenever a concern is brought to you by an employee, you should address it with the offending worker in question. This is called conflict resolution. As a bad boss, you should always believe hearsay and confront the issue immediately with a judgmental attitude.

10) “If you don’t want this job, I will find someone who does!” – Employees may begin to forget their place in your office. It is important to remind them often that they are expendable. There are many candidates standing in line for their current position. Make them feel like their job is always in peril. In this economy, they’re lucky to have a job at all. This should be reason enough to work harder.

Stuff Managers Say…

 

Disclaimer: Bad Boss is meant to be humorous and should not be taken seriously.

HubPages

4 Signs that I Hate You – Playing Favorites

favorites

Behind my back, some of my employees have been grumbling that they think I hate them. How do I know? Well, my little office pet told me. The playing field is NOT level in my office because I play favorites! I’m vindictive so get with the program. I show people not to mess around with me.

There are a few folks on my team who probably shouldn’t be there. This is my clique of like-minded robot followers. I only tolerate bad work from those who I like. If that’s not you, as your boss, I’ll make your life miserable. So, keep your head down and watch your back.

If you’re not one of my brownnosers, I will pit one of my favored employees against you. I get a lot of pleasure from watching the tension mount! I may even get involved and stir the pot by divulging details to fuel the fire. Disputes and conflicts are at an all time high in my department.

You may find that I will whisper to those who are on my side while we are plotting. To protect my position, I will avoid risk at all costs and steer clear of any person who I choose. If there is a new position open, I most definitely will already know who I’ve picked to promote before the deliberations.

At meetings, I don’t waste my time. I will engage more with the senior management than with any member of my staff. Protecting my best interests is the name of my game. Any of the good assignments suggested by my superiors will be given to my little favorite robot.

Here are four signs that you’re not on my list of favorites:

  1. No mentoring or coaching.
  2. Nothing you do will please me.
  3. I will give you the cold shoulder.
  4. You will be excluded from promotions.

Figure out what it means to please me so that you can be a superstar today; or fall into a black hole tomorrow. But, even if you try to make my life easier, by sucking up, or making yourself “front and center”, don’t expect anything from it. If you confront me on this issue, I will deny everything.

I’m only looking out for me.

 

Disclaimer: A manager should deal with all employees fairly. A manager who plays favorites hinders the development and productivity of their department. Bad Boss posts are for entertainment purposes and should not be taken seriously. If you want to be a good boss, do the opposite.

Hiring – General Manager – Job Description – BIG $$

The general bad boss job description, like a general manager, will surely assist you in attracting other candidates who are qualified for the job of Bad Boss. Feel free to modify this job description with job qualifications and duties which fit your position.

Position: General Bad Boss

Pay Rate: DOE, More $ than Peons

Location: Cutthroat, Island 79999

Schedule: Regular Employee’s Schedule 9-5.

Yours will be 9:30AM-4:50PM & 2 HR Lunch Break

Job Duties: 

  • Poor planning. – Does not set objectives. Does not set goals for the group or understand what work needs to be done to meet those goals. Waits until a crisis and then delegates.
  • Disorganized. – Procrastination is used on a daily basis to get nowhere. Time Management skills are absolutely not necessary to complete this job.
  • Demotivates and disengages. – Yelling, throwing things, physical contact. Being unapproachable. Hover like a helicopter. Use your employees as a shield.
  • Oblivious and clueless about the job. – In general, you will be required to take over responsibilities that you know nothing about. You don’t have to hide it.
  • Keeps people where they are. – Does not develop their employee’s skills. Can’t or unwilling to define a strategy or direction. Lack of an ongoing strategy.

Skills / Qualifications:

NO management or leadership training required. NO reading on the subject required. We are looking for a complainer, with a rude attitude, and the following skills and qualifications:

  • Procrastinator.
  • Micromanaging skills.
  • Poor Time Management.
  • Lack of prioritizing skills.
  • A “Just Take Care of It” attitude.
  • People skills are not necessary.
  • Under qualified and incompetent.
  • Talent for making others feel terrible.
  • Vocabulary filled with colorful words.
  • Can’t handle pressure and responsibility.
  • A hands-on approach with your secretary.
  • Multiple personality disorders are necessary.
  • Be a reactionary person without thinking first.
  • The ability to become overwhelmed with worrying.
  • Capacity to blame others and take credit for their work.

Disclaimer: How did they become the boss? What person in their right mind promoted this person? How to be a Bad Boss is meant to be Humourous and the information is for entertainment, not education. Be a Good Boss and do the opposite.