All posts by Melinda Longoria, MSM

Author - Masters of Science in Business Management with Leadership studies from Texas A&M University.

Being Darth Vader at Work ain’t Easy

Being Darth Vader at Work ain’t Easy…


The American Psychiatric Association (APA) has diagnosed Darth Vader with a Borderline Personality Disorder. So, if you want to be a boss, who is perceived as Darth Vader, what does that mean for you?

Be UNSTABLE and IMPULSIVE… To become a Darth Vader boss, you must adopt the mentality of an unstable and impulsive teenager. Just like Darth Vader ordered his men to “tear the ship apart”, you might yell at your staff to start the project all over!! This is NOT what YOU had in mind!!! You should not tolerate any mistakes by your staff so that no errors are made.

Be ANGRY… Any bad news, or set backs, will be responded to with severe punishment, like yelling at your staff in front of a large meeting, or public firings.  Fly off the chain at every little thing that may make you angry. The point here is to make an individual employee feel small and stupid for their error so that everyone will see them as an example of what not to do.

Be FEARFUL and STRONG… The result of your behavior will cultivate FEAR in the office that will, in turn, control everyone.  No one should be making decisions on their own! Make your people ask you before they do ANYTHING! You are the boss, the project manager, and the ultimate decider. The buck stops here! Show your STRENGTH with intensity. If something happens to go well, it was definitely your idea.

Be EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE… As a Darth Vader boss, nearly everyone in the office should know that you have an estranged relationship with your family and spouse. You are possibly feeling abandoned because they don’t agree at how you’ve turned out. Maybe you work too many hours and are focused more on work than building personal relationships. Vader also had an unstable viewpoint of his Jedi masters. So, you will have a shaky relationship with your superiors and/or mentors at work too.

Be SECRETIVE and MYSTERIOUS… Keep your identity secret from everyone. Your outer appearance should be of strength and power! However, deep down you have a tender heart and are just trying to overcome some very personal losses. Darth Vader had lost his mother, and later his wife. Regardless of what you have lost, you are depressed. Therefore, you’re afraid to be found out. So this will only intensify your need to conceal your identity.

In the end, you will find yourself as an unstable, intense, estranged, angry, and secretive Darth Vader boss. You will be perceived as the meanest, most intimidating, and mysterious boss EVER!

Don’t Act Like Darth Vader!

Disclaimer: Bad Boss posts are meant for entertainment purposes only and are not to be taken seriously.

Three Ways to Be a … Terrible Mean Girl Boss

High School Never Ended for the Mean Girl Boss… 3 Ways to Be a…

Terrible Mean Girl Boss

meangirls

#1) Gain Power by High Maintenance

The first objective of a mean girl boss is to gain power. This is done through a high maintenance strategy of a self confidence boosting physical appearance. Wear the latest trends, drive a flashy car, claim your parking spot, and decorate your office with your special touch. Working in an office with other women is rough business. Therefore, the only way to intimidate other women coworkers is to always be put together and beautiful. High maintenance is the key to your success as a mean girl boss!

Office policy: Always look put together!

#2) Establish your Clique of Mean Girls

Once you’ve achieved your position of mean girl boss, next you’ll need to establish your clique of mean girls. Always recruit one stupid girl. She will follow and never question your position. Next, find an appoint a know-it-all to keep you up to par on anything and everything job related. Avoid shy girls as they will buckle under pressure, and not be useful, when you need someone to get your back. Your clique of mean girls is very important to your confidence. If at any point, one of these girls tries to turn into a mean girl to you, immediately make an example of them by firing her.

Motivation: Upgrading personal gain & social status.

#3) Set Mean Girl Boss Standards

Be strong with your mean girl clique, but keep them on your side. Undermining, belittling, and talking behind their backs is ok by you, but do not tolerate this treatment by anyone else. Set standards that are impossible for anyone to follow, including your employees. As a result, your group will try harder to meet your expectations. Invite a select few allies to meet after work for drinks to carry on in a gossip session where you pick on many of those who were not invited. Align yourself with the most influential people in the organization. Step on anyone who obscures your path. Take credit for others work. Take every opportunity to make an employee the center of attention and feel stupid.

Objective: Make your clique the envy of your office.

How to Cope With a Mean Girl Boss:

Disclaimer: Bad Boss posts are meant for entertainment purposes only and are not to be taken seriously.

Dropping the Bomb: How a Bad Boss Delivers Bad News to Employees

Wal-Mart.com USA, LLC

Dropping the Bomb: How a Bad Boss Delivers Bad News to Employees

Drop Bomb

It’s a fact that being a bad boss is not easy, especially when you need to deliver bad news to your employees.

Typical reasons for needing to deliver bad news to employees, include:

  • Firings
  • Legal Issues
  • Product Recalls
  • Large Scale Layoffs
  • Untimely Departure of an Executive

As you will notice, there are three critical techniques in delivering any bad news to an employee and that is to deliver the message FAST, don’t apologize, and always make your exit swiftly. Do not remain in the room as this will only cause the employee more stress as they try to choke back their tears in front of you. Never admit any blame or apologize for any grievance. Avoiding questions is in everyone’s best interest to minimize confrontation.

  1. With the bad boss, there is always the direct approach when delivering bad news to employees, “You’re all fired. There are empty boxes lining this wall for a reason; use them, people!” Hand an empty box to the nearest employee standing next to you. Don’t apologize and make your exit swiftly.
  2. SANDWICH the bad news into the conversationSandwichFor a softer approach, start by saying something positive, slip the negative statement in quickly, and then close with a distraction. Try this for an example, “Thank you all for coming in to work today, our office is closing and your last check will be delivered Friday, we’re providing Pizza for lunch for those who finish the week with us”. Make your exit swiftly to avoid questions.
  3. Politician Approach – If you somehow become trapped in an uncomfortable situation where questions fly your way by disgruntled employees, just deny everything like a politician! “What are you talking about? No, we did not promise free Pizza for lunch today, but you will get your paychecks”. Your goal was to get the employees to work till Friday; mission accomplished. Remember, you have two different party’s interests at heart, that of the employee and of upper management. But, for the bad boss, upper management comes first and that might take a little lying.
  4. Let them find out from others… Still don’t like the idea of communicating to your employees or the potential confrontation? There is always the option to allow your employees find out the company is going out of business from outsiders, the news, or your public press release. This tactic is especially effective if you feel that your staff might jump ship early if they are tipped off about the bad news. You could also let them continue to blissfully work unaware of the pending danger, and then place a note on the locked doors for them to encounter upon arriving to work on Friday.
  5. Corporate jargon deliverance speech: Is your superior in some amount of bad publicity due to his or her unexplained and untimely exit? Avoid hurting the entire company’s morale by keeping this questionable detail to yourself. Instead of telling the truth, the best way to deliver this news is with a departmental or company-wide speech that is filled with very confusing corporate jargon. “Despite what you may hear in the news, we are encouraging a new green initiative and Bill has graciously volunteered to be our first work-from-home executive”. As always, make your exit swiftly.

Or you could deliver good news in person, and bad news in Email:

Disclaimer: Bad Boss posts are meant for entertainment purposes only and are not to be taken seriously.

The Argumentative Boss

SONY DSC

The Argumentative Boss

Have you ever worked for an argumentative boss? The argumentative boss is prone to creating conflict and arguments within his or her department.

So, you want to be an argumentative boss?

Question Everything – Your employees will fantasize about hiding under their desks if you question their every move. Ask lots of questions! “Did you spell check that document before you sent it? Are you sure it’s broken? Have you contacted IT about the issue? When will my package arrive? Why is it late? Did you tell UPS about the issue? Why are you wearing red shoes today?”

As you question everything, ask your employee to check again, or do the task again. They must have done it wrong the first time.

Agree with Nothing – Disagree with any response that is provided to your endless inquiries. If your employee says one thing, tell them another. They are wrong, you are right, always; period. End of discussion, until it causes an argument, which was your goal in the first place.

It’s Always your Idea – Never meet in the middle. Never admit that you are wrong. Never admit that they are right. Learn to say, “You did that wrong”. Manipulate the circumstances to make them think it was your idea. Once they learn to give you credit for everything, life for them will become much less taxing.

Start Arguments – Do you want people to stay out of your way? Start arguments that will cause people, everyone, to avoid you. Your employees will try to solve their own problems. They will avoid telling you about errors and fix them before mentioning anything to you. When something goes wrong, they will sweep it under the rug.

Hold your Ground – If an argument arises, you have won! Hold your ground during the argument. Don’t back down. Insist that it’s your way or the highway. Employees don’t agree with some new policy that you’ve implemented without their consent? It does not matter to you. Use write-ups as a form of intimidation to get your way. If someone confronts you, write them up.

Follow these steps and you will soon create a department that is chaotic and disorderly.

Learn how to Argue like a 3 Year Old

Disclaimer: Bad Boss posts are meant to be humorous and should not be taken seriously.