Five Ways to be a Hands OFF, Paper Shuffler

hands-off

As a boss, I understand how important it is to establish strong relationships with my direct reports. That’s why I don’t establish strong relationships with my direct reports. I avoid getting involved in ‘messy’ interpersonal relationships. Leaving them alone is exactly what’s needed for my team to sink or swim. We work in a jungle and my employees need to learn how to survive. They should know how to do their job, so why should I care how they do it, just as long as it gets done?

I have learned that certain behaviors keep my employees beneath me. Here is my list of what my employees can expect of me as a hands OFF boss.

  1. I don’t get involved. I have learned that intervening hinders the employees experience and can develop a needy personality. The employee will begin to rely on me and give up trying all together. It’s best just to let them work their problems out on their own and never, EVER, speak of personal problems to me.

  2. I don’t clarify. I find it best to let my employees think for themselves and figure things out on their own. It’s best to keep my employees in the dark regarding the direction of the company so you can surprise them with bad news and impossible deadlines. This keeps them alert and always attentive. Sometimes when I’m bored, I will purposely provide direction in the form of riddles or leave muffled instructions on my answering machine for them to follow.

  3. I don’t set goals for employees. It’s best for your employee to work under you aimlessly, and without a clear career path. Providing goals for improvement just disappoints them when they can’t reach your high expectations. I just tell them they hold a unique “hybrid” position and that I can “plug and play” them into many roles. They feel versatile and elite, when truly they are just working in circles, under me…forever.

  4. I don’t give positive feedback. Employees love being looked down on and insulted. I’m sure studies have shown that employees are born with the desire for verbal abuse, and will quit if treated nicely. Treating employees nice breaks the spell and they realize they are better off working for someone else.

  5. I’m never timely or decisive. Regarding their personal schedules and issues, it means nothing. Employees enjoy being disregarded and forgotten. By never giving my employees a straight answer on raises, vacations, etc., keeps them anticipating. They continually believe I’m actually contemplating their request. Since their lives are meager and uneventful, this extends a little excitement and hope to them.

Disclaimer:  Building interpersonal relationships is good leadership and creates high-performance teams. Bad Boss posts are for entertainment purposes only and should not be taken seriously.  Be a Good Boss and do the opposite.