Category Archives: Hostile Work Environment

50 Ways to Make ALL Your Employees QUIT!

quit

50 Ways to Make ALL

Your Employees QUIT!

Everyone has done it; held onto an employee for too long. For whatever reason, you might not address the issue directly.  But there are times when you need to let a whole office of staff go. For instance, today, someone took a dump in your private restroom and no one will fess up to it. Here’s a list of 50 ways to make ALL your employees quit.

  1. Curse at your employees.
  2. Adopt an arrogant attitude.
  3. Don’t appreciate their work.
  4. Bring drama to the office.
  5. Create office politics.
  6. Threaten people with their job.
  7. Physically micromanage them.
  8. Sneak up behind them and watch them work.
  9. Say they can’t be trusted to make smart decisions.
  10. Establish cliques and turn them against each other.
  11. Have a favorite who gets away with anything.
  12. Point out everyone’s faults.
  13. Ignore office safety risks.
  14. Do not offer any praise.
  15. Don’t offer any hope for advancement.
  16. Sniff the women; only the pretty ones.
  17. Demand they work every weekend.
  18. Increase their workload to overkill.
  19. Tell them they are stupid.
  20. In fact, say a blind limbless monkey could do their job.
  21. Demotivate, demotivate, demotivate.
  22. Regularly get to work late. Make them come in on time.
  23. Be absent for any reason & no reason at all.
  24. Enforce double standards.
  25. Make unreasonable demands at all times.
  26. Hold the spoon and stir the pot.
  27. Enforce extreme working hours.
  28. Repeat things over and over and over.
  29. Conduct some inter-office romance.
  30. Make them work through lunch.
  31. Be negative about the company.
  32. Slowly clean out your office.
  33. Spread some false information.
  34. Be disconnected and disinterested.
  35. Tell them to pack their desk & keep it ready.
  36. Assign work they are not qualified to do.
  37. Blowups on your part should be iminent.
  38. Skirt your duties and duck out.
  39. Resent those who follow the rules.
  40. Tighten their deadlines.
  41. Write them up for menial things.
  42. Tell them the company is in trouble.
  43. Publicly humiliate them.
  44. Keep them on a rigid schedule.
  45. Take away raises.
  46. Use fear as a management tactic.
  47. Neglect all interpersonal relationships.
  48. Always promote and hire externally.
  49. Defraud your stockholders.
  50. Give your workers outdated equipment.

or you could just…

PAY THEM TO QUIT!

Disclaimer: Bad Boss posts are meant to be humorous and should not be taken seriously. Tell us, in the comments below, about your bad boss story.

Dictator Management Advocate – Be a Bad Boss just like Hitler

hitlerDictator Management Advocate – Be a Bad Boss Just like Hitler!

Here at Bad Boss we are starting a Dictator Management Advocacy. Learn how to be a good dictator and gain absolute power, as a BAD BOSS, right here! Muh ha ha ha ha. Muh ha ha!

First, you need to become an achiever and strive to be at the top in whichever department that you are currently working. Once you achieve your desired position, ultimately your goal should always be to strive to keep going up the corporate ladder until you eventually reach the top. But, until then here are some common dictator behaviors that you should adopt.

Cultivate some single-minded, greedy, and power hungry goals. “To succeed in your mission, you should have single-minded devotion to your goal” – Abdul Kalam. What are some examples of single minded goals, you say? The opposite of single mindedness is a team player. So, don’t be a team player. Only think of your own needs. Dismiss anyone with an inkling of an idea or any information that does not contribute to your single-minded goal.

Gather a group of only like-minded followers. Create fear or a problem so that your group of like-minded followers feel that they need you to correct the situation. One way to do this is by firing anyone who refuse to contribute, or object, to your single-minded goal. Become lacking in any form of human nature. Don’t tolerate ANY unconformity. Have meetings in which you are the head, main speaker, disallowing any collaboration of thought or understanding by discouraging questions.

Definitely dismiss anyone with a higher level of education or experience. They are ultimately a threat! They will in some way take away your power at some point in your single-minded goal-path and must be eliminated immediately! You only want facilitators, or brainless promoters, as your followers. Only recruit and retain those who accept your power and decisions unquestioningly. Keep your followers stupid and under your thumb!

If something goes wrong; learn some coping mechanisms like yelling to gain compliance. Find yourself a scapegoat within your clan of robots. This person will take the blame for anything that goes wrong with your dictatorship. This covers your butt and guarantees your future. Because no one should ever know that you could possibly make a mistake. Remember, followers are key to your dictatorship. However, you need to always maintain strict order with your followers so that your superiors are convinced that you have everything under control.

Speaking of superiors, you should be gaining their loyalties by showering them with an unwavering brown nosing attitude. Always be out to impress and kiss their butt. Whenever possible, try to wine & dine them. With your responsibilities, have your ducks in a row. There are never problems; you have all the answers and solutions. You are the only one responsible for success. You take all the credit as the mastermind behind everything; and failures are always attributable to your scape goat.

You are now unstoppable!

Hitler Teaches How to Be a Dictator

Disclaimer: Bad Boss posts are meant to be humorous. We DO NOT advocate you becoming a dictator. Dictators are terrible bosses! Do you have a real life experience working for a dictator boss? Tell us about it HERE.

Disciplining an Employee – The Bad Boss Way

Disciplining an Employee –

The Bad Boss Way

 

heads roll

The bad boss way of disciplining an employee is very distinct and easily recognizable. It is what sets apart the real bad boss from the mere imitators.

In order to be a hot shot bad boss, one must enforce employee discipline in the following ways. If not, he or she is just a pretend bad boss and nothing more. It is a sure-fire way of determining a real bad boss.

The following methods, in no particular order, are the hallmarks highly definitive of a true bad boss. Only bad bosses dare do these.

  1. A bad boss would go to the supposedly erring employee, shout insults, and tell him or her what they did wrong without allowing for a chance to explain.
  2.  A bad boss would let everybody in the office know that he is reprimanding the employee as a show of how powerful he is. The bad boss believes that this is the best and only way to instill discipline among the ranks.
  3. A bad boss would take the word of the first to complain as gospel truth and would not bother to listen to the employee being complained about. To the bad boss, it is an unwritten rule that the employee who first complained is the one telling the truth.
  4. A bad boss would treat a counseling session as a sermon where he is the only person allowed to talk or shout. He will go over and over the issue and his way of managing it until he is done.
  5.  A bad boss would ask the supposedly erring employee to admit to the mistake so that there will be no more wasted time investigating what happened.
  6. A bad boss would tell the supposedly erring employee that there is a complaint against him or her. The bad boss would not divulge the complainant and instead would ask the employee what it is that they think that they did wrong.
  7. A bad boss would determine whom to discipline by greatly relying on what he or she heard through the grapevine.
  8. A bad boss would be very vague about what behavior is not to be tolerated.
  9. A bad boss would not tell the employee the dos and don’ts. Instead, he would wait for the employee to make a mistake and then discipline him or her.
  10. A bad boss would discipline an employee by humiliating him or her or by belittling.
  11. A bad boss would tell the employee, after discipline is discussed, that he does not know what to do with the erring employee.
  12. A bad boss would treat any error regardless of its nature or consequences as if they were of the same degree.
  13. A bad boss doesn’t care about the procedures. He doesn’t follow the company policies when it comes to disciplining employees. A bad boss would give weight to office politics and have it reflected in how he would discipline a supposedly erring employee.
  14. A bad boss believes that the best way to achieve discipline is make a clear example of how it would be dealt with. A bad boss would tell the employees that for every error made, heads will roll.

When it comes to discipline, a bad boss has little care on how he or she would handle it. The main reason is that the bad boss believes that discipline is simple.

Discipline is so simple that it is a waste of time to think about how to discipline an employee. The bad boss thinks of discipline as a method of associating painfully bad ordeals to a perceived error.

The formula is simple – “Error equals bad consequences”. The bad consequences of course depends on the whims of the bad boss. Always remember that the bad boss has no time for simple things.

The bad boss always thinks of the bottom line. The bottom line in discipline, as far as the bad boss is concerned, is simple – if a perceived wrong happens, let it be known in whatever way, enforce discipline in whatever way, and more importantly…let the employees know that heads will roll.

Disclaimer: Bad Boss posts are meant to be humorous and should not be taken seriously..

The Wrong Way to Discipline an Employee…

The Strange Case of a Jekyll and Hyde Boss

The Strange Case of a Jekyll and Hyde Boss

Have you ever read The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde?  It is a book about a man, Dr. Jekyll  (the good guy) who is also Mr. Hyde (the bad guy). This scenario is called a split personality, or a bi-polar disorder, which is a not-so-rare mental condition nowadays.

How does this have anything to do with being a bad boss you say?  Actually, I think it is such a brilliant idea to cover your flaws with your awesomeness.

jekyll and hyde

As a boss, I believe balance is the key.  You can’t be all too friendly with your subordinates or else they would think that they could get away with anything.  The moment you see them letting their guards down and getting too close for comfort, you tell them to mind their own business and get back to work.

Same applies if I had a really awful morning at home.  Let’s say, I fought with my wife because she’s accusing me of not having enough time for her and the kids.  What rubbish!  I can’t understand and accept that she sees it that way.  So I go to work, feeling terrible and ready to strangle anyone who crosses my path.

What do you know, there is Bob who chose that exact time to submit a horrible report.  Aha!  Here’s my chance to unload, decompress, unburden myself of the bad feelings, the guilt and all those nasty words that I wanted to say to my wife, but can’t (Are you kidding me?! Divorce is very expensive)…

…and Bob was there at the right time and place.  Time to blow off steam… so I let him have it!  I told him what I really think of that trashy report.  It doesn’t matter if he didn’t sleep the night before just to finish it.  This is my chance to lash at someone or I’ll go crazy!

Like a good subordinate, he just stood there, making lame excuses or apologizing, whenever I stop talking to catch my breath.  Oh, you bet I let him really have it!  After lunch, I realized that I should make up for what I had done.  I should do something to make Bob and the rest of my team, who saw and heard everything, forget that I’m quite a monster.

So I say, “Team, let’s have lunch…my treat!”   At the nearby Chinese restaurant, while slurping their noodles and munching on dim sum, I tell each of my guys how wonderful they are.  I tell everyone how Clarence closed a big account, or how Mitch fast-tracked a particularly overdue project, and don’t forget my buddy Bob, whom I could always depend on for crucial competitive report…and all is well again in Neverland…or so they thought.  Bwa haha ha! (evil laugh).

No one needs to know the real me.  Oh come on!  Everybody has a bad side.  All I have to do is compensate every time I did something sinister (like the bad boss that I am) and once again, I am their hero, the charming debonair.  Clever isn’t it?

Disclaimer: Bad Boss posts are meant to be humorous and should not be taken seriously. A Jekyll and Hyde boss can be a hard type of bad boss to work for as you never know what their mood will be.

 

The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde 
[Kindle Edition] $0.00 Free