Category Archives: Human Resources

Disciplining an Employee – The Bad Boss Way

Disciplining an Employee –

The Bad Boss Way

 

heads roll

The bad boss way of disciplining an employee is very distinct and easily recognizable. It is what sets apart the real bad boss from the mere imitators.

In order to be a hot shot bad boss, one must enforce employee discipline in the following ways. If not, he or she is just a pretend bad boss and nothing more. It is a sure-fire way of determining a real bad boss.

The following methods, in no particular order, are the hallmarks highly definitive of a true bad boss. Only bad bosses dare do these.

  1. A bad boss would go to the supposedly erring employee, shout insults, and tell him or her what they did wrong without allowing for a chance to explain.
  2.  A bad boss would let everybody in the office know that he is reprimanding the employee as a show of how powerful he is. The bad boss believes that this is the best and only way to instill discipline among the ranks.
  3. A bad boss would take the word of the first to complain as gospel truth and would not bother to listen to the employee being complained about. To the bad boss, it is an unwritten rule that the employee who first complained is the one telling the truth.
  4. A bad boss would treat a counseling session as a sermon where he is the only person allowed to talk or shout. He will go over and over the issue and his way of managing it until he is done.
  5.  A bad boss would ask the supposedly erring employee to admit to the mistake so that there will be no more wasted time investigating what happened.
  6. A bad boss would tell the supposedly erring employee that there is a complaint against him or her. The bad boss would not divulge the complainant and instead would ask the employee what it is that they think that they did wrong.
  7. A bad boss would determine whom to discipline by greatly relying on what he or she heard through the grapevine.
  8. A bad boss would be very vague about what behavior is not to be tolerated.
  9. A bad boss would not tell the employee the dos and don’ts. Instead, he would wait for the employee to make a mistake and then discipline him or her.
  10. A bad boss would discipline an employee by humiliating him or her or by belittling.
  11. A bad boss would tell the employee, after discipline is discussed, that he does not know what to do with the erring employee.
  12. A bad boss would treat any error regardless of its nature or consequences as if they were of the same degree.
  13. A bad boss doesn’t care about the procedures. He doesn’t follow the company policies when it comes to disciplining employees. A bad boss would give weight to office politics and have it reflected in how he would discipline a supposedly erring employee.
  14. A bad boss believes that the best way to achieve discipline is make a clear example of how it would be dealt with. A bad boss would tell the employees that for every error made, heads will roll.

When it comes to discipline, a bad boss has little care on how he or she would handle it. The main reason is that the bad boss believes that discipline is simple.

Discipline is so simple that it is a waste of time to think about how to discipline an employee. The bad boss thinks of discipline as a method of associating painfully bad ordeals to a perceived error.

The formula is simple – “Error equals bad consequences”. The bad consequences of course depends on the whims of the bad boss. Always remember that the bad boss has no time for simple things.

The bad boss always thinks of the bottom line. The bottom line in discipline, as far as the bad boss is concerned, is simple – if a perceived wrong happens, let it be known in whatever way, enforce discipline in whatever way, and more importantly…let the employees know that heads will roll.

Disclaimer: Bad Boss posts are meant to be humorous and should not be taken seriously..

The Wrong Way to Discipline an Employee…

Slang words for Employee by Bad Boss

minions

Slang words for Employee by Bad Boss

The complete list of bad boss words for defining an employee.

Definition: A bad boss views an employee as…

  • A person to treat as lower than thou.
  • Someone who does lowly or monotonous work.
  • An unskilled worker with a low social class.
  • One who is stupid or an idiot.

Don Draper tells his employee… “I don’t think about you at all.”

Here goes…

To the bad boss, a menial employee is a peon, slave, worker, inferior, staffer, gimp, blue-collar, laborer, subordinate, hand, wage earner, desk jockey, human resource, personnel, workforce, dogsbody, drudge, drone, foot soldier, plugger, grunt, grub, slogger, toiler, workhorse, coolie, porter, serf, lazybone, loafer, slouch, idler, slug, 9 to 5er, goldbrick, shirker, nobody, straggly, servant, bondman, insurgent, mutineer, revolter, chattel, thrall, indentured servant, domestic, lackey, handmaid, attendant, odalisque, helot, thrall, agnostic, discordant, fief, stooge, pillion, muppet, puppet, airhead, bimbo, derp, dingbat, doofus, clutz, nimrod, bozo, couch potato, creep, lush, mule, plank, pinhead, tool, twit, wasteman, minion, etc.

Have we missed any? Leave your comments below.

As a bad boss, how do you use some of these words? Some of these derogatory terms are particularly useful for the bad boss when he can’t remember his employee’s names. For example:

  • Muppet: a stupid person or an idiot. Call your employee and say, “Come to my office now, Muppet!”
  • Wasteman: a worthless person. You pass your employee’s cubicle and joke, “Wasteman, you’re a waste of space”.

Other derogatory terms for employees, by the bad boss, can be used as a classing system for referring to your lowly workforce as a whole. For instance:

  • Stooge: serves merely to support bad boss. Looking out over your production line, from behind a glass window, tell your superior, “Just look at how hard my stooges work.
  • Minion: servant of a more powerful person. Your superior asks you to do a menial task. Respond to your boss, “Ok, I will get one of my minions on it.”

Minions1

By the way, to a good boss, an employee is a partner or teammate. Derogatory language in the workplace can create a hostile work environment.

Disclaimer: Bad Boss posts are meant to be humorous and should not be taken seriously. Here is an interesting article on derogatory terms in the workplace:

The Bad Boss Performance Review

performance evaluation

The Bad Boss Performance Review

Prior to the employee’s performance review, discuss how the employee is doing with other managers or subordinates in the office. The point is to spread gossip and allow the employee to catch wind of your perspective in order to give them a head start on their rebuttal. If you don’t like the employee, this will also make them very nervous, which should make you (the bad boss) happy. 😉

Moral support! The first rule of giving performance reviews is to have someone included in the meeting who is on your side. You can bring in anyone into this meeting that you want. Bring in a colleague from another department, your girlfriend, or even your best friend, “Mr. Wiggles”, your pit bull dog.

Have a camera man on standby to record each job performance review so that you have a documentation of the proceedings. If the employee messes up again, you now have a video that you can replay for them to recall the previous conversations on the issue.

During the performance review, be as vague as you possibly can. This will ensure that the employee does not become uncomfortable during your proceedings. You might say things like, “We’d like to see you do better”, but don’t indicate what they need to work on.

Bring up things in the performance review from months or years back. The employee will have a hard time remembering these occurrences. Therefore, they will be at a loss as to how to respond to your accusations.

Intimidating facial expressions and body language are important! Know when to use them! Keep your employees guessing and instill fear so that they will be less likely to question you or defend themselves. Some facial expressions and body language to practice, prior to the performance review, are: crossing your arms, scowling, squinting, & shaking your head in disgust.

Next, hearsay is the best indicator of an employee’s performance. Make sure to point out any hearsay and third party reports about the employee that has been brought to your attention. Ensure that you discuss specific names of those who are making the allegations so that confrontations can proceed after the hearing.

If the employee does try to defend himself, just cut them off mid sentence and let them know that you are short on time. If they continue to press the issue, hand them a blank document and ask the employee to fill out their own performance review. This will give you an idea of the employee’s perspective. Ask the employee to be completely honest when filling out the document. Plus, it will occupy their time while they try to identify their own strengths and weaknesses. Allow employees to question each other on how they think they are doing.

Above all, never feel obligated to give an employee a perfect score. This is an impossible achievement for anyone. Also, just because an employee is doing well on their performance review, you should not be cornered into giving them a raise for their hard work. To avoid raises completely, always find something wrong with everyone!

As a bad boss, it is your job to bust every optimistic bubble and glimpse of hope in the office.

An Awkward Performance Review…

Disclaimer: Bad boss posts are meant to be humorous and should not be taken seriously. Articles on the subject of performance reviews:

How to Fire an Employee – You’re Fired! – The Bad Boss Way

How to Fire an Employee – You’re Fired! –

The Bad Boss Way

Let’s be honest, there is no set procedure for firing employees in the Bad Boss’s office. Some of my colleagues say that firing someone is never fun, but I disagree. It’s a necessary part of my job that I’ve perfected. As an executive, I’ve fired as much as 500 employees. But, I really take pleasure in firing just one.

How to Fire an Employee - You're Fired - The Bad Boss WayMy two favorite words to say at the office, “You’re Fired”. There are many reasons for firing employees.

  1. Who did you vote for? “You’re Fired”.
  2. That’s my parking spot, “You’re Fired”.
  3. You got hurt on the job? “You’re Fired”.
  4. That skirt isn’t short enough, “You’re Fired”.
  5. I said that I wanted a decaf latte, “You’re Fired”.
  6. You’ve gained too much weight, “You’re Fired.”
  7. The printer is jammed, fix it or…”You’re Fired.”
  8. You looked at me the wrong way, “You’re Fired”.
  9. Just falsify those insurance claims, or…”You’re Fired”.
  10. You took off work to care for your sick parent? “You’re Fired”.
  11. You got in a car accident and can’t do your job? “You’re Fired”.
  12. You smell like you haven’t had a bath in a week, “You’re Fired.”
  13. The lie detector test is mandatory. You declined, so…”You’re Fired.”
  14. Unsafe working conditions are not the problem here. “You’re Fired”.
  15. You got pregnant? I’m not paying for your medical leave, “You’re Fired.”
  16. Refusing to take blame for my failed project is unacceptable, “You’re Fired.”
  17. Human Resources said that you’ve been complaining about me. “You’re FIred”.
  18. I need to get some young blood in, and as the oldest loser here, I’m afraid, “Your Fired.”

Rules to follow when Firing an Employee…

There are a few rules that I personally follow, as a bad boss, when firing an employee.

Go through the motion of firing the employee like you’re a robot. Never make eye contact! But, if you enjoy it, then look them straight in the eyes with distaste while you are doing it. Don’t explain yourself. “You’re Fired,” is a self explanatory statement. There is never a need to soften the blow by thanking them for their efforts or apologizing. Having a member of Human Resources involved the conversation is not necessary, as firing an employee is usually just a spur-of-the-moment decision. Give them about five seconds, to process the information, before walking away or motioning for them to leave your office. If your freshly terminated employee has any questions, direct them to the HR office so that you do not have to be present during any uncomfortable conversations.

‘You’re Fired’ Gift Cards…

Why not get some ‘You’re Fired’ Gift cards printed and keep a collection in your office? You can use these to send to people who work at another location, who are on vacation, or you can put them in the mail if you have a lot of people to fire in a day and don’t want to hear all that wailing and screaming.

Firing Employees by Social Media…

Also, I think now with social media it is acceptable to not only fire people by card, but also by email, text message, tweet, and facebook post. This way all their friends will know at the same time, saving your terminants from having to break the bad news to friends, partners, and colleagues.

Disclaimer:

Disclaimer: Bad Boss posts are meant to be humorous and not to be take seriously. Nearly all of the reasons for firing an employee listed above are illegal. To learn the right way to let an employee go, please view the links below:

 How to Fire Someone – The Right Way…