Category Archives: Office Policies

The Blame Game: Top 5 Ways to Allocate Blame

Pointing FingerThe Blame Game: Top 5 Ways to Allocate Blame by Bad Boss

The Bad Boss lives by the blame game motto: NEVER be the target of any blame. Always doll out the blame to your subordinates, absentees, or outsiders. In the Bad Boss’s mind, these tactics will build your self-esteem and help you get further in your career. This article is an encyclopedia of blame in the workplace that anyone, at any level of their company, and at any stage of their career, can benefit from reading because playing the blame game ALWAYS works.

When your next team project fails, and it will (because you’re the Bad Boss), there are many strategies for dishing out the blame. Who is to blame? It’s always someone else’s fault, but NOT yours! The blame and responsibility should be distributed individually or collectively to your group. Don’t allow your employees to determine your career success or failure! It is not difficult to play the blame game. When your boss starts to ask questions, save your skin and cover your butt!

company policyThe Accountability Policy

At Bad Boss, we “recommend” that you first implement a department “Accountability Policy”.  – Help people take responsibility by having an accountability policy for your office to create a culture of blame. This will assist in setting the stage for your expectations when things go wrong. People avoid responsibility for many reasons, like laziness, fear of failure, or size of the problem. In your policy, make it clear that employees will be terminated who make excuses, miss deadlines, or fail to take responsibility because it hurts the well-being of the team. In any case, if your employees shirk responsibility, they’ll ultimately fail in their jobs which will put your name on the line. The latter reason is the most important and should motivate you to address the issue before it ever becomes a problem.

Here are the top five ways to allocate blame like a Bad Boss:

  1. Blame ANYONE, ANYTIME, for ANY REASON – Blaming People for The Wrong Things, For NO Reason, at the Wrong Time. When you’re a bad boss, there is never a wrong time to blame an employee for any reason; even for the wrong things. It doesn’t matter if the employee did or did not do what you are blaming them for. The point is to make them the scapegoat to save your own skin. Never allow yourself to be in the direct line of fire; sacrifice your subordinate instead. If you’re looking for an easy target, pick a passive member of your team. This person will have a reputation as a doormat and will not stand up for themselves when they are being attacked by your blame game. But really any man just standing by will do!
  2. Blame the Last Guy –  Were you recently promoted to your current position? When problems come up, just blame the last guy who had your job. Even if he wasn’t let go, demoted, or otherwise removed, you can still blame him! Was he promoted to a better position or elevated in your company? All the same, he’s fair game to be blamed for your teams problems. After all, if the last guy was so wonderful, he wouldn’t have left the department in the disorder that you now find. He is responsible for hiring the performance problems now in your department. He is at fault for leaving the unresolved issues in your inbox. Tell your team, to get the focus off them, they need to agree with you that the last guy was incompetent. This will give your team hope that you will be better.
  3. Blame it on Your Customers or VendorsYour vendors and service providers are an easy target to blame because they cannot effectively defend themselves. Therefore, blaming an outsider is a workable solution. If your business’s reputation is on the line, blaming the outsiders will help the executive team to avoid some pretty unpleasant realities and has very few political backlashes.
  4. Blame it on Technology – There are many choices for making an IT related accusation, which include placing the blame with the network, storage, an application, database, hardware, etc. Sometimes these complex systems break even when everyone did what they were supposed to. Therefore, you are quite safe in placing the blame with IT. Nearly everyone understands that IT failures happen and often. Even if you’ve used this excuse before, when IT fixes a problem it doesn’t necessarily reduce the risk of another incident. “To err is human – and to blame it on a computer is even more so.” – Robert Orben.
  5. Point the Finger Back – If someone blames you for something, just point your finger back at them and say, “No, it’s your fault”. You may follow up by explaining that “your interpretation of the problem is not the same as my interpretation of the problem”. Point out any inconsistencies in what they say or do and defend yourself. “If somebody’s pointing a trembling finger at your pants and saying you shouldn’t be doing that, follow that finger back, go up the arm and look at the head that’s behind it because there’s almost always something fairly woolly in there”. – Jock Sturges.

finger pointing

Other ways to play the blame game are to:

  • Blame the new guy
  • Blame the economy or weather
  • Blame the weakest team member
  • AND MORE!

Avoid Decision Making

While you are playing the blame game, make sure that you don’t make any decisions. Either go with the suggestions of others or hire in a consultant to make your suggestion. This tactic gives you the added benefit of being able to fire the intern if it fails later, thus ensuring that you remain blame free.

Respect Office Politics

Also, respect your office politics! Don’t let anyone above know that you are avoiding blame. Or if someone senior caused the problem, don’t piss them off by placing blame with them. This could jeopardize your position; so let’s just brush it under the rug. Let us elaborate;we look to blame no one; implying that it would be bad to do so. Never, under any circumstance, ever….blame a senior executive. We’re not into blaming. Therefore, it’s unfair to point the finger at senior management. Instead, you should just look to focus on fixing the problem. If the question comes up, just respond by saying, “I’m not into blaming,” (nudge nudge wink wink), “It’s whats-his-name, but I’m sworn to secrecy. You know blaming is not my style”. And, if someone must be blamed, then hire an external, blame them, and then fire them.

Finally, always have an escape plan to avoid being blamed: take a vacation, sick day, or just duck out. Tell your superior that weren’t there when it went wrong, or as it went wrong, and you don’t know what is going on; but you will get to the bottom of it. Don’t take blame for other’s mistakes; YOU don’t have any!

Disclaimer: Bad Boss posts are meant to be humorous and should not be taken seriously. Taking the high road of honesty and being accountable for your mistakes is the best option in business.

Disciplining an Employee – The Bad Boss Way

Disciplining an Employee –

The Bad Boss Way

 

heads roll

The bad boss way of disciplining an employee is very distinct and easily recognizable. It is what sets apart the real bad boss from the mere imitators.

In order to be a hot shot bad boss, one must enforce employee discipline in the following ways. If not, he or she is just a pretend bad boss and nothing more. It is a sure-fire way of determining a real bad boss.

The following methods, in no particular order, are the hallmarks highly definitive of a true bad boss. Only bad bosses dare do these.

  1. A bad boss would go to the supposedly erring employee, shout insults, and tell him or her what they did wrong without allowing for a chance to explain.
  2.  A bad boss would let everybody in the office know that he is reprimanding the employee as a show of how powerful he is. The bad boss believes that this is the best and only way to instill discipline among the ranks.
  3. A bad boss would take the word of the first to complain as gospel truth and would not bother to listen to the employee being complained about. To the bad boss, it is an unwritten rule that the employee who first complained is the one telling the truth.
  4. A bad boss would treat a counseling session as a sermon where he is the only person allowed to talk or shout. He will go over and over the issue and his way of managing it until he is done.
  5.  A bad boss would ask the supposedly erring employee to admit to the mistake so that there will be no more wasted time investigating what happened.
  6. A bad boss would tell the supposedly erring employee that there is a complaint against him or her. The bad boss would not divulge the complainant and instead would ask the employee what it is that they think that they did wrong.
  7. A bad boss would determine whom to discipline by greatly relying on what he or she heard through the grapevine.
  8. A bad boss would be very vague about what behavior is not to be tolerated.
  9. A bad boss would not tell the employee the dos and don’ts. Instead, he would wait for the employee to make a mistake and then discipline him or her.
  10. A bad boss would discipline an employee by humiliating him or her or by belittling.
  11. A bad boss would tell the employee, after discipline is discussed, that he does not know what to do with the erring employee.
  12. A bad boss would treat any error regardless of its nature or consequences as if they were of the same degree.
  13. A bad boss doesn’t care about the procedures. He doesn’t follow the company policies when it comes to disciplining employees. A bad boss would give weight to office politics and have it reflected in how he would discipline a supposedly erring employee.
  14. A bad boss believes that the best way to achieve discipline is make a clear example of how it would be dealt with. A bad boss would tell the employees that for every error made, heads will roll.

When it comes to discipline, a bad boss has little care on how he or she would handle it. The main reason is that the bad boss believes that discipline is simple.

Discipline is so simple that it is a waste of time to think about how to discipline an employee. The bad boss thinks of discipline as a method of associating painfully bad ordeals to a perceived error.

The formula is simple – “Error equals bad consequences”. The bad consequences of course depends on the whims of the bad boss. Always remember that the bad boss has no time for simple things.

The bad boss always thinks of the bottom line. The bottom line in discipline, as far as the bad boss is concerned, is simple – if a perceived wrong happens, let it be known in whatever way, enforce discipline in whatever way, and more importantly…let the employees know that heads will roll.

Disclaimer: Bad Boss posts are meant to be humorous and should not be taken seriously..

The Wrong Way to Discipline an Employee…

Creating Dysfunctional Teams

Creating Dysfunctional Teams

Creating dysfunctional teams is the favorite pastime of the bad boss. The bad boss enjoys making a big mess out of the team. The big mess is actually the bad boss’ way of handling the team correctly.

The technique involves two stages. First, the bad boss envisions himself or herself as a hero conqueror to save the primitive subordinates from themselves. Second, he or she then goes about the conquest.

Stage 1 – The first stage is important. The bad boss thinks of himself or herself as a hero conqueror out to rule a place where there are lots of fierce but primitive and unsophisticated warriors that are just dying to be led by some great power. Hence, the bad boss must exude an air of a noble heroic conqueror out to save the day.  To do this, the bad boss must find a suitable henchman. The bad boss must have someone who will be loyal to the bad boss no matter what. After identifying the henchman all the rests are enemies that need to be either annihilated or conquered.

Stage 2 – The second stage is all about how the bad boss goes about the conquest of his or her team. The techniques are tried and tested. It’s guaranteed to be effective and potent. The conquering part is done using the simplest but challenging strategy called “divide and conquer.” The team members should never see eye to eye. The bad boss should prevent mutual understanding among members. This is done with the following in mind.

Keep enmity among the team members. This will make them busy looking for each other’s faults and mistakes. This is the bad boss’ way of keeping tabs on each member. It’s the bad boss’ brilliant way of delegating his or her overseeing functions without the members knowing it.  The bad boss will take different sides and encourage one to engage on skirmishes with one another promising support and withholding it for whatever justifications when it would create more enmity. The bad boss will allow his or her members to compete for alliance with him or her at all and any cost but never with each other.

Cause confusion. The bad boss should keep communication lines unclear, illogical and of no use. There should be no clear communications among the team members. Should there be any showing that one is being attempted to be established, quickly destroy it. Everyone should be left in the dark and only the bad boss knows what to do, supposedly anyways. The bad boss makes sure that his or her acts follow unclear paths so that no one knows what to do.

Policies and rules are formalities but never to be followed. The bad boss likes creating rules and policies for each and every thing that happens. However, the bad boss always comes up with an exception and is always wise to know how it is to be applied or if not to be applied. There are rules which can’t be relied on because the interpretation lies with the bad boss. The unwritten rule about this is that the rules are enforceable if the bad boss will be served by it, otherwise tough luck.

Grapevine communication lines network. The bad boss gives weight to all communications that comes out of this manner of communication. In fact this is the real deal as far as the bad boss is concerned. He or she invests heavily on this communication network and it serves as basis for his or her decisions or actions. This is actually the official communication lines as far as the bad boss is concerned and is a well guarded secret from all the team members.

Establish an espionage work. The bad boss learns about spying skills in James Bond movies or that of Mission Impossible movies. The bad boss never really trusts anyone but him or herself. Doing everything above board like checking man hours, evaluating productivity reports, job monitoring, performance evaluations are such a bore and time consuming activity for a bad boss. The bad boss is way above all those things and plays with the big league. The big time bad boss does spying activities. The big boss thinks that there is always a secret out there that he or she must uncover.

The underlying concept here is simple. The bad boss has no other person to rely on but himself or herself to manage a team. In order to maintain power over the team members, the bad boss must keep the team from uniting. This will make the team manageable as far as the bad boss is concerned. Always remember, the bad boss should always be in control!

Example of a good team. 😉

Disclaimer: Bad boss posts are meant to be humorous and should not be taken seriously.

Boss Flirting at Work – Creepy Employee Attraction

creepy boss flirt

Boss Flirting at Work – Creepy Employee Attraction

News flash! The bad boss gets infatuated too! Yes, the bad boss though seemingly a supreme being in his or her own fiefdom also succumbs once in a while to this thing called infatuation. Nope, the bad boss is not immune to it and once bitten; he or she can’t help but give in to what just any mere mortal would. When the boss is flirting at work…

Once the infatuation sets in, the bad boss goes into a phase that psychologically makes him or her “star struck” to the employee they are attracted to. This may go on a while until another employee catches the bad boss’ fancy.

The bad boss will certainly make the subject of his or her attraction aware of it. The bad boss will use a combination of “show it” and “hide it to the public” strategies for the poor unsuspecting employee.

 So how does the bad boss do it? Well, here are the telltale signs that a bad boss is definitely attracted to an employee.

Extremely Accommodating

The bad boss, as a rule, never accommodates anyone, as in, no one. Well almost; except the apple of his or her eye. The bad boss smiles only to the favored one and acts extremely nice and pleasant towards him or her. The bad boss always cares to ask if the favored employee is comfortable and sees to it that he or she is.

Amorous Advances

“Just around the corner, seeking you

Puppy love is tripping lightly into view

Hiding in the hedgerows

Sneaking up on tiptoes…

Just around the corner wafting close…”

Yes, you got it right. Suddenly it’s as if the song Love So Lovely (Disney song from the Three Musketeers) plays and the bad boss just winks, smiles, and woos at the favored employee. The bad boss makes beautiful eyes, wears that silly grin, and is always looking at the employee wherever he or she is. In short, it is when the bad boss does all the creepy things that an unwanted admirer does and just literally stalks the employee within the confines of the company premises.

Perks and privileges

The bad boss listens intently to the employee, or at least pretends to do so, and always so politely and (mind you) diplomatically turns down his or her ideas as if they were fragile chinaware. The employee is offered a seat beside the bad boss. The employee is tagged along by the bad boss anywhere he or she goes in the company and, if possible, outside too. The bad boss never shows his or her angry moods at the employee and always displays coolness whenever around the employee. Most importantly, the lucky employee gets ahead of promotions and salary increases without having to do anything at all (or so it seems).

How does the bad boss ‘hide it’?

Now, how does the bad boss ‘hide it’? It’s when the bad boss pretends nothing is happening and there is no malice with what he or she is doing. It’s the totally “deny it and hide it” response when confronted and asked about what the bad boss is doing.

So does this type of thing really happen? The answer is yes. Nope, no one is pulling your leg; it is true! It’s like winning in a lottery big time. The bad boss will just be too eager to do what it takes to get the attention of the said employee.

A price to be paid

 There is however a price for employee. Of course, the bad boss will not do anything without gaining something in return…

The employee is expected to reciprocate all those “good things” given him or her. Otherwise, the bad boss will turn into a hulk like creature as if to say “You won’t like me when I’m angry.” And what makes the bad boss angry? The answer is simple, an employee who doesn’t reciprocate his or her unwelcomed actions of affection errrr attraction.

The underlying motto for this type of a scenario is simple for the bad boss. “If I can’t have you over prayers, I will have you by brute force.” At the end of it all, the bad boss will always have his or way.

How to Deal with a Flirtatious Boss