Category Archives: Office Politics

The Blame Game: Top 5 Ways to Allocate Blame

Pointing FingerThe Blame Game: Top 5 Ways to Allocate Blame by Bad Boss

The Bad Boss lives by the blame game motto: NEVER be the target of any blame. Always doll out the blame to your subordinates, absentees, or outsiders. In the Bad Boss’s mind, these tactics will build your self-esteem and help you get further in your career. This article is an encyclopedia of blame in the workplace that anyone, at any level of their company, and at any stage of their career, can benefit from reading because playing the blame game ALWAYS works.

When your next team project fails, and it will (because you’re the Bad Boss), there are many strategies for dishing out the blame. Who is to blame? It’s always someone else’s fault, but NOT yours! The blame and responsibility should be distributed individually or collectively to your group. Don’t allow your employees to determine your career success or failure! It is not difficult to play the blame game. When your boss starts to ask questions, save your skin and cover your butt!

company policyThe Accountability Policy

At Bad Boss, we “recommend” that you first implement a department “Accountability Policy”.  – Help people take responsibility by having an accountability policy for your office to create a culture of blame. This will assist in setting the stage for your expectations when things go wrong. People avoid responsibility for many reasons, like laziness, fear of failure, or size of the problem. In your policy, make it clear that employees will be terminated who make excuses, miss deadlines, or fail to take responsibility because it hurts the well-being of the team. In any case, if your employees shirk responsibility, they’ll ultimately fail in their jobs which will put your name on the line. The latter reason is the most important and should motivate you to address the issue before it ever becomes a problem.

Here are the top five ways to allocate blame like a Bad Boss:

  1. Blame ANYONE, ANYTIME, for ANY REASON – Blaming People for The Wrong Things, For NO Reason, at the Wrong Time. When you’re a bad boss, there is never a wrong time to blame an employee for any reason; even for the wrong things. It doesn’t matter if the employee did or did not do what you are blaming them for. The point is to make them the scapegoat to save your own skin. Never allow yourself to be in the direct line of fire; sacrifice your subordinate instead. If you’re looking for an easy target, pick a passive member of your team. This person will have a reputation as a doormat and will not stand up for themselves when they are being attacked by your blame game. But really any man just standing by will do!
  2. Blame the Last Guy –  Were you recently promoted to your current position? When problems come up, just blame the last guy who had your job. Even if he wasn’t let go, demoted, or otherwise removed, you can still blame him! Was he promoted to a better position or elevated in your company? All the same, he’s fair game to be blamed for your teams problems. After all, if the last guy was so wonderful, he wouldn’t have left the department in the disorder that you now find. He is responsible for hiring the performance problems now in your department. He is at fault for leaving the unresolved issues in your inbox. Tell your team, to get the focus off them, they need to agree with you that the last guy was incompetent. This will give your team hope that you will be better.
  3. Blame it on Your Customers or VendorsYour vendors and service providers are an easy target to blame because they cannot effectively defend themselves. Therefore, blaming an outsider is a workable solution. If your business’s reputation is on the line, blaming the outsiders will help the executive team to avoid some pretty unpleasant realities and has very few political backlashes.
  4. Blame it on Technology – There are many choices for making an IT related accusation, which include placing the blame with the network, storage, an application, database, hardware, etc. Sometimes these complex systems break even when everyone did what they were supposed to. Therefore, you are quite safe in placing the blame with IT. Nearly everyone understands that IT failures happen and often. Even if you’ve used this excuse before, when IT fixes a problem it doesn’t necessarily reduce the risk of another incident. “To err is human – and to blame it on a computer is even more so.” – Robert Orben.
  5. Point the Finger Back – If someone blames you for something, just point your finger back at them and say, “No, it’s your fault”. You may follow up by explaining that “your interpretation of the problem is not the same as my interpretation of the problem”. Point out any inconsistencies in what they say or do and defend yourself. “If somebody’s pointing a trembling finger at your pants and saying you shouldn’t be doing that, follow that finger back, go up the arm and look at the head that’s behind it because there’s almost always something fairly woolly in there”. – Jock Sturges.

finger pointing

Other ways to play the blame game are to:

  • Blame the new guy
  • Blame the economy or weather
  • Blame the weakest team member
  • AND MORE!

Avoid Decision Making

While you are playing the blame game, make sure that you don’t make any decisions. Either go with the suggestions of others or hire in a consultant to make your suggestion. This tactic gives you the added benefit of being able to fire the intern if it fails later, thus ensuring that you remain blame free.

Respect Office Politics

Also, respect your office politics! Don’t let anyone above know that you are avoiding blame. Or if someone senior caused the problem, don’t piss them off by placing blame with them. This could jeopardize your position; so let’s just brush it under the rug. Let us elaborate;we look to blame no one; implying that it would be bad to do so. Never, under any circumstance, ever….blame a senior executive. We’re not into blaming. Therefore, it’s unfair to point the finger at senior management. Instead, you should just look to focus on fixing the problem. If the question comes up, just respond by saying, “I’m not into blaming,” (nudge nudge wink wink), “It’s whats-his-name, but I’m sworn to secrecy. You know blaming is not my style”. And, if someone must be blamed, then hire an external, blame them, and then fire them.

Finally, always have an escape plan to avoid being blamed: take a vacation, sick day, or just duck out. Tell your superior that weren’t there when it went wrong, or as it went wrong, and you don’t know what is going on; but you will get to the bottom of it. Don’t take blame for other’s mistakes; YOU don’t have any!

Disclaimer: Bad Boss posts are meant to be humorous and should not be taken seriously. Taking the high road of honesty and being accountable for your mistakes is the best option in business.

Disciplining an Employee – The Bad Boss Way

Disciplining an Employee –

The Bad Boss Way

 

heads roll

The bad boss way of disciplining an employee is very distinct and easily recognizable. It is what sets apart the real bad boss from the mere imitators.

In order to be a hot shot bad boss, one must enforce employee discipline in the following ways. If not, he or she is just a pretend bad boss and nothing more. It is a sure-fire way of determining a real bad boss.

The following methods, in no particular order, are the hallmarks highly definitive of a true bad boss. Only bad bosses dare do these.

  1. A bad boss would go to the supposedly erring employee, shout insults, and tell him or her what they did wrong without allowing for a chance to explain.
  2.  A bad boss would let everybody in the office know that he is reprimanding the employee as a show of how powerful he is. The bad boss believes that this is the best and only way to instill discipline among the ranks.
  3. A bad boss would take the word of the first to complain as gospel truth and would not bother to listen to the employee being complained about. To the bad boss, it is an unwritten rule that the employee who first complained is the one telling the truth.
  4. A bad boss would treat a counseling session as a sermon where he is the only person allowed to talk or shout. He will go over and over the issue and his way of managing it until he is done.
  5.  A bad boss would ask the supposedly erring employee to admit to the mistake so that there will be no more wasted time investigating what happened.
  6. A bad boss would tell the supposedly erring employee that there is a complaint against him or her. The bad boss would not divulge the complainant and instead would ask the employee what it is that they think that they did wrong.
  7. A bad boss would determine whom to discipline by greatly relying on what he or she heard through the grapevine.
  8. A bad boss would be very vague about what behavior is not to be tolerated.
  9. A bad boss would not tell the employee the dos and don’ts. Instead, he would wait for the employee to make a mistake and then discipline him or her.
  10. A bad boss would discipline an employee by humiliating him or her or by belittling.
  11. A bad boss would tell the employee, after discipline is discussed, that he does not know what to do with the erring employee.
  12. A bad boss would treat any error regardless of its nature or consequences as if they were of the same degree.
  13. A bad boss doesn’t care about the procedures. He doesn’t follow the company policies when it comes to disciplining employees. A bad boss would give weight to office politics and have it reflected in how he would discipline a supposedly erring employee.
  14. A bad boss believes that the best way to achieve discipline is make a clear example of how it would be dealt with. A bad boss would tell the employees that for every error made, heads will roll.

When it comes to discipline, a bad boss has little care on how he or she would handle it. The main reason is that the bad boss believes that discipline is simple.

Discipline is so simple that it is a waste of time to think about how to discipline an employee. The bad boss thinks of discipline as a method of associating painfully bad ordeals to a perceived error.

The formula is simple – “Error equals bad consequences”. The bad consequences of course depends on the whims of the bad boss. Always remember that the bad boss has no time for simple things.

The bad boss always thinks of the bottom line. The bottom line in discipline, as far as the bad boss is concerned, is simple – if a perceived wrong happens, let it be known in whatever way, enforce discipline in whatever way, and more importantly…let the employees know that heads will roll.

Disclaimer: Bad Boss posts are meant to be humorous and should not be taken seriously..

The Wrong Way to Discipline an Employee…

Office Politics Strategies: Maintaining an Underachieving Workforce

promising employee

 Office Politics Strategies: Maintaining an Underachieving Workforce

As a bad boss, I like underperformers in my department. They make me look like I am the only one who is capable of leading the pack. Therefore, maintaining an underachieving workforce is one of my main jobs. Promoting underachievers makes me look even better (when they fail). When a promotion comes around, I find that promoting an underachiever is in my best interest. Never promote a promising employee as they may become competition for you in the future. It’s an office politics strategy.

The promising employee gives me a bit of a challenge. A promising employee is one who shows great potential to successfully make it big time within the organization.

They are the star performers. They just do their jobs faster and more effectively. There is really nothing wrong with them but they are a source of endless headache, stress, and sleepless nights for me.

Since day one as a bad boss, I knew that my very existence in the organization depended on identifying and neutralizing the promising employees. Like a hawk scouting for its prey, I can spot a promising employee a mile away.  I can smell, hear, and see a promising employee long before anyone in the organization does.

Fortunately for me, most promising employees are the innocent ones too, hence they easily fall prey to my neutralizing tactics. My neutralizing techniques are quite simple, but prove very effective in handling promising employees.

Neutralizing Promising Employees:

  • “That is what I was thinking”.  Always automatically utter this sentence to the promising employee whenever the subject comes up to discuss a new idea. You may never know anything about the new idea but this solves that problem. It covers your ignorance up by saying that the idea is nothing new with a disinterested look.
  • “I have a job for you, which I am supposed to do, but I can’t at the moment”. – Give the promising employee a job which they are not comfortable doing. These are prone to fail: an unpopular assignment, an office politics maneuvering move, a balancing act, or anything with an uncertain consequence. In addition, if the promising employee fails then it is just the employee’s fault and too bad for him because it was a test. If however, the employee succeeds, then take credit as the one in charge.
  • “Great work!” – Always privately praise the promising employee but never in public or officially. A bad boss should do these very discreetly. It should never be reflected in any award, public praise, promotion, or salary increase. This is cheaper and safer for the big boss’ hiney.
  • “I can’t rate you perfect even if you are as per the evaluation tool because you will have no more room for improvement.” – Tell the promising employee during his or her performance evaluation that a perfect rate could just not be given. Giving a perfect rating to the promising employee would not be realistic because no one is perfect.
  • “You are not yet ready and you still have a lot to learn.” – Always make the promising employee doubtful of him or herself. A bad boss makes the promising employee feel inadequate and lacking. Neutralize the potential of the promising employee to the extent that he or she will not be encouraged to bravely meet success.
  • “I am sorry but I have to let you go.” – Know when it is time to fire a promising employee. When all else fails and the promising employee just keeps on succeeding, then it’s time to say goodbye.  Despite the hard work and efforts of a promising employee, at the end of the day if it will make you feel insecure in any way then it’s the highway for the promising employee.

The moral of the story is simple. A bad boss hates promising employees. For the bad boss this makes him or her look inadequate and outmoded. If you were in the bad boss’ shoes you will certainly feel insecure. As a result, the bad boss will huff and puff and blow the promising employee down.

 Underachiever is Promoted over Hard Worker due to Office Politics:

Disclaimer: Bad Boss posts are mean to be humorous and should not be taken seriously.

King Joffrey is My Bad Boss HERO! – Game of Thrones

King Joffrey

King Joffrey is My Bad Boss HERO! – Game of Thrones

King Joffrey is my bad boss hero! His Game of Thrones character can teach us a lot about how to get ahead of the corporate game early, secure the best career adviser,  be a bad boss; or the office tyrant:

Get ahead of the game early. – Claw your way to the top before anyone else! Use any means necessary to secure your position. So what you if you don’t know how to lead, you can learn later. Because, everything you already know came from your mother; which brings us to our second point.

Learn the best strategies from your mother. – Since you’ve secured your position early, you will need to call your mom to discuss any work-related questions. Do not rely on your own work experiences or  critical thinking skills, because at this point you have none. Trust no one else but your mom; in fact…

Violence solves problems. – Since you are such an inexperienced leader, you will need to use violence to secure your authority and power from position. Your mom likes drama, so this behavior should please her.

Anyone who has wisdom or morality above your own deserves scorn. – These people should be seen as a threat. Their scholarly opinions, goodwill, and kindness makes you look bad. No one deserves our respect or honor.

Whine about everything! – If your project or anything in your department fails, go on the defense.

  • “Don’t look at me!”
  • “It’s ugly out there!”
  • “I don’t want to talk about it!”

Ill-Treatment is deserving of those who are beneath us. –

  • “Fire him! Fire all of them; I command it!”
  • “Go back out there and do your job!”

Tattling to upper management to get rid of competition. – If anyone becomes a threat, or you just don’t like them, go to upper management and tell them a story; even if you have to make one up.

Break Promises. Say one thing; and do the complete opposite. Tell your subordinate they did a great job on the task; you will let upper management know about it, but don’t. Offer a raise to increase productivity; & then go back on your word. Say they can have the day off; but then schedule them for the shift.

…and finally…

Don’t accept insults, always remind them who is boss…

 

Disclaimer: Bad Boss posts are meant to be humorous and should not be taken seriously.