Questions Bad Bosses Ask Employees…

questionsconept

Questions Bad Bosses Ask Employees…

It’s perfectly fine for me to ask questions…I’m the boss.  Remember, there are no stupid questions coming from the boss.  I decide if the answers are correct, stupid or nonsense, depending on my mood.  It’s also important that when I’m asking a question, the receiver is a quick thinker and always ready to answer. It is quite irritating for me if it seems my subordinate cannot understand what I’m talking about.  It doesn’t matter if they’re confused, and thinking it’s a trick question.  What’s important is they answer me fast and just the way I like it.

Here are my 7 favorite questions, let me know what you think.

Question 1: “Are YOU about to have lunch?” (Mocking)

Correct Answers:

  • “I don’t eat. I am a robot. Eating is a waste of time and keeps me from doing my work.”
  • “Absolutely not. I was just going to snack as I finish these reports.”
  • “I already ate while you were out of office.

Incorrect Answer:

  • “Yes. It’s lunchtime.”

Question 2: “You haven’t read my email yet?”  (I actually haven’t even sent it )

Correct Answers:

  • “Yes, (lying) I know the content pertains to subject matter and I have already drafted a response.” (Then I call them out for lying.)
  •  “No, I’m sorry. Please don’t kill me. If you keep me alive I will find it immediately.” (Then I throw stuff at him.)
  • “No, but I know the content pertains to subject matter and I have already drafted a response.”

Incorrect Answer:

  • “No sir. I haven’t received it.”

Question 3: “Is there a problem?”

Correct Answers:

  • “No problem at all. My problems mean nothing and of are no concern to you, all mighty one.” (Then they bow)
  • “No sir. I will cancel my vacation plans and work this weekend.”
  • “Yes sir, I am the problem. I will go cry at my desk and show everyone what a loser I am.”

Incorrect Answer:

  • “Yes, there is a problem with the….” (interrupt them immediately)

Question 4: “Where the hell have you been?”

Correct Answers:

  • “Bringing you this sir. Forgive me for taking so long, I am lazy.”
  • “I was worshiping at your alter and made offerings to you sir.”
  • “I was waxing your Mercedes sir.”

Incorrect Answer:

  • “Using the restroom sir.”

Question 5: “Are YOU going home already?” 

Correct Answer: (There is only one.)

  • “This office is my home sir and I never sleep.”

Incorrect Answer:

  • “It’s 5 o clock sir.”

Question 6: “Is that the best you can do?”

Correct Answers:

  • “No sir, this was only a draft. Sorry for wasting your time, I will finalize this immediately.”
  • “No sir, since I am not good enough for you, I will pay someone to complete this for me.”
  • “Yes sir, I am useless. Please forgive me. I will make an offering at your statue.”

Incorrect Answer:

  • “But sir, I followed your instructions exactly.”

Question 7: “Are YOU yawning?”

Correct Answers:

  • “I was just taking a deep breath so I could get some more work done.”
  • “I yawn when I work really hard sir.”
  • “No sir, it was her.” (pointing at someone else)

Incorrect Answer:

  • “Well sir, I stayed up late working on this project.”

So, what do you think?  These questions are neither stupid nor senseless!  Bosses aren’t stupid, employees are.  I’m the boss and I’m the one asking questions, and they better answer my questions right. Actually, I just realized I don’t need your opinion.  The only opinion that counts is mine.  I’m the boss.

Disclaimer: Abusing your employees is counter productive. Be a good boss and listen to their concerns and train them to be good bosses too.

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