The Untrustworthy Boss
Follow these simples steps to become the most untrustworthy boss that ever lived…
Dangle some carrots in front of your employee’s faces. That’s right. Get them to work longer hours and more productively by telling them they will get a raise if they do X, or meet a goal of Y. The department budget, that you were given, doesn’t even have room for employee raises, but they do not need to know this bit of information. If someone gets a little rowdy about paperwork, just say that you submitted a request to your boss and are waiting to hear back (but you never did). “My hands are tied”.
Never tell your employees what you think. Is the company going under at a more rapid rate than upper management is admitting? Respond with this little gem, “There’s no truth to those layoff rumors”. Keep your employees in the dark about the impending danger because it will only cause a frenzy of people leaving the company. Do they need to know that their jobs will no longer be available in another month? No. It is your job to keep them working ignorantly and blissfully at their desks.
Tell some lies. Say something like, “I’m paying you a competitive salary”. Always assume that your employees are dumb about the internet. They will not research average salary ranges and find out what people in their position are making. But, even if they do find out that their salary is way less than it should be, they’ll just assume that you are misinformed.
Always be concerned with your own advancement; not your employee’s advancement. . . but to them you say, “My job is to make you more successful”. They will surely believe that you are looking out for their best interests. In truth, you’re thinking to yourself, “Your job is to make ME more successful”. Always take credit for a job well done and place the blame around the room when something goes wrong.
Exercise your hidden motives. Need to eliminate an employee? Let’s just say his name is Rob. Try this tactic to get rid of Rob. You overhear Rob telling another employee about his coveted concert tickets for Saturday. Call an office meeting and tell everyone in your department that the paperwork is backing up. You’ll need anyone who can volunteer to stay for some extra weekend hours. “Your participation is completely voluntary”. When Rob doesn’t show up with the rest of the group Saturday, place a pink slip on his desk Monday morning.
Conduct some shady office romance. Nothing says untrustworthy like a boss who messes around on his wife with the office loosey goosey. According to Time Magazine, only three percent of successful men divorce their wives and marry the office tramp. So, go ahead and tell that hot mess that you’ll divorce your wife and marry her. She’ll believe it and you’ll feel better. Don’t worry about the distraction and morale killer that this is having on everyone underneath you; or your clients who may be wondering if you handle your business like you handle your marriage.
Always swear to confidentiality. Want to know what your employees REALLY think about you? Send around a survey which asks employees for their opinions of the company and management. Tell them that their responses will be confidential. All the while, you know that they signed away their privacy rights the moment they signed their employment contract. Now, your employee’s opinions are instantly yours. Realistically, you wouldn’t do this to your employees because you’re an untrustworthy boss; you probably don’t even care what they think anyway.
How To Tell The Perfect Lie
Disclaimer – Bad boss posts are meant to be humorous and should not be taken seriously. Have you worked for a boss who has a problem lying? Please tell us about it by contacting us HERE or leave your comments below.