Bad Boss

Bribery, Kickbacks, and Payoffs in Procurement

Should I accept bribes, kickbacks, and payoffs? Of course!

Why? Because I get free stuff.

I am very honest when dealing with vendors and suppliers who want to do business with me. Since honesty is my greatest trait, I inform them up front that bribes, kickbacks and payoffs influence my decision to do business with them. Since choosing a vendor or supplier can be a tedious and difficult task, evaluating which ones provide the best bribes helps differentiate them.

Since each supplier competing with each other will offer the same basic services or goods, accepting bribes makes choosing one so much easier. Why make my job harder by researching quotes and evaluating service contracts? I’m a boss, I’ve got better things to do.

A great haggling tactic I use is to double book appointments between competitors. So while two potential vendors are sitting in the waiting room sizing each other up, I am entertaining the first one. I then escort the first vendor into the lobby and greet the second one by his company name. I then tell the third vendor I will be with him shortly. Introducing this honest competition will encourage ambition and up the quality of gifts offered. The best part is that since all bidders are paying for my influence, only one of them will get it. And I get to keep ALL the gifts whether they win or lose.

To eliminate any possible confusion, I provide a shopping list to each supplier or vendor. Some examples are:

  • liquor
  • gourmet food
  • concert tickets
  • expensive suits
  • sporting event tickets
  • all expense paid vacations
  • use of corporate vehicles
  • children’s designer clothes
  • and envelopes filled with cash.

Disclaimer: Accepting bribes, kickbacks, and payoffs is illegal. This post is an example of what some bad bosses do and should NOT be done. We are not responsible for the use of this example literally in the workplace. 

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