Bad Boss

Conducting a Job Interview – The Bad Boss Way

First, get yourself prepared for the interview. Call in all the job applicants on the same day to sit in a lobby area that is crowded. Do not schedule specific time slots for each interviewee based on their availability. If they really want the job, they will make their whole day open. The extra waiting time also makes the candidates nervous as they eyeball each other and wonder who is better qualified for the position. Have your secretary make note of anyone who is visibly sweating. This person may crack under pressure and would be a liability to your team. Dismiss that person immediately.

The interview introduction.

Make the candidate aware that you are not interested in friendly chit chat. Humanizing the interview process is not a priority right now. Start by saying, “Listen, I have fifty other candidates sitting in my lobby waiting to be interviewed for this job. We are short on time today so let’s just get started, what is your name again?” Even though you ask for their name, don’t ever address them by their name at any time during the interview. This distinguishes a barrier between the boss and potential employee. You may ask for their name again at any time during the interview. Don’t smile or make any friendly gestures like hand shaking.

Talk about YOU; not them…

Next, catch them off-guard and start talking about yourself; not the interviewee. This is a direct contradiction of what you just said about not having time for friendly chit-chat. Express your mental thoughts about yourself allowed and see how he reacts. Talk about the company, your job, your background, and anything but the interviewee. Throw in some random questions about these topics and then appear that the interviewee gave the wrong answer to whatever question you asked. Make sure that your facial expressions are sour and of distaste or disappointment. If the job applicant starts to get nervous, point this out, and dismiss him immediately.

Hammer them with inappropriate interview questions.

If the job applicant makes it through your monologue without becoming nervous, the next step is to ask inappropriate questions about the job applicant himself. Inappropriate questions are usually the best at revealing if this person will be compatible with your personal tastes. When they sit down, automatically say, “You have three seconds to answer each question. Say the first thing that comes to your mind.” If they answer with more than two or three words, interrupt them with the next question.

  • “Are you a U.S. Citizen?”
  • “What is your native tongue?”
  • “What religion are you?”
  • “How old are you?”
  • “Do you have children?”
  • “How much do you weigh?”
  • “Do you live nearby?”
  • “What’s your sexual preference?”
  • “Are you married or seeing anyone?”
  • “What do you think about interoffice dating?”

Wrap the job interview up….

At this point, if you find that you don’t like the job applicant’s answers to any of your questions, ask them to leave immediately. Tell them that they are not suited for your job based on their answers. IF you still want to consider the applicant, now is a good time to wrap the interview up. Do not ask the candidate if they have any questions about the job they are interviewing for. This will prolong your interview. These types of things can be discussed later. Take a personal call and wave in your secretary to take the interviewee out of your office. She will explain that you will be in touch, but without giving a specific time frame for this possible communication.

Bad Job Interview…

Disclaimer: Bad boss posts are meant to be humorous and should not be taken seriously. For a guide on how to correctly conduct a job interview, check out these two links below:

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