Houdini – The Disappearing Act

Houdini Act

My employees call me the Houdini…because I am a great escape artist…they can never find me…just the way I like it.

When it comes to planning an excellent disappearing act,

we can learn a lot from RATS.

Just open your cage door and let yourself OUT!

Ladies and gents, the moment that you have all been waiting for! The great disappearing act! Who’s ready to see this spectacular finale? What a lively crowd! Alright folks let the magic begin! Here’s how to escape your office like a rat!

Look at me… I am Houdini-ing like a boss!!

When I am in a tough situation, my survival instincts kick in. The more stressful the situation, the better. Houdini-ing is a lost art form, so as bosses, we should embrace our inner cat-like reflexes, skitter out of there, and hide somewhere safe.

cat hiding

There are dangerous factors about being a boss. If I wasn’t able to escape certain situations, I would be be mangled and potentially killed. So far, at work, I’ve nearly drowned myself in paperwork and senior management have almost blown my ear off with phone calls.

That’s right, Houdini-ing may save your bottom! It could be game over, for real. Some great places to hide… (where they will never find you)…

  • In your car.
  • Under your desk!
  • In an empty meeting room.

And next time a member of senior management calls, just have your secretary say, “He is not available right now”.

While you’re hiding, always be thinking positive. If you focus on what could go wrong, if you panic, it will go wrong.

 

Disclaimer: Bad Boss posts are meant to be humorous and should not to be taken seriously.

How to Be Remembered Fondly

best bossHow to Be Remembered Fondly

As a Bad Boss, sometimes our reputations might stop us from being remembered fondly by our organisation.

However, there is one guaranteed way that we can esnure we are remembered fondly, and that is by making sure that we are followed by some one worse than ourselves 🙂

No matter how bad we have been, if we can position someone even worse to take over when we will leave, this will improve our legacy.

When we take control we need to look to surround ourselves with people who are even more obnoxious and offensive than we are, as it is likely that one of these will be our successor.

This often has the additional benefit of making our staff appreciate us more, as they will surely detest our direct reports even more than they hate us. Win Win 🙂

I often delegate the communication of any dodgy decisions to my staff, allowing them to take any discredit for these damaging policies, distancing myself unless they become successful.

Another good approach is to ensure that you leave prior to any of the damning policies you have implemented come into full effect, this way you successor will receive the majority of the blame. We can always claim everything was fine when I left.

As Bad Bosses we need to be constantly on the look out for promotions, or new positions outside our companies, so that we are constantly able leave prior to any excrement hitting the fan, thus leaving us with a clean record.

As we know everyone loves a successful boss, and leaving prior to failures reaching their full impact, is almost as good as being successful.

So if you want to be fondly remembered, remember these 2 simple rules.

  1. Ensure you are succeed by someone worse than yourself
  2. Leave before the excrement hits the fan

 

Disclaimer: Bad Boss posts are meant to be humorous and should not to be taken seriously.


The Power of Fear

chasedThose who say fear is not a motivator have clearly have never been chased by a Lion.  We always run our fastest when we run from something we fear, hence fear is a very good motivator.

Fear can cause us to reach new heights as we adopt the fight or flight response with those of us who choose to fight, finding ways to achieve our new goals.

For the people who choose flight they are usually weak and their departure is no loss to us at all, and if they can’t leave, then that have no choice but to fight, so this approach can be win win for us.

Fear not only helps us drive the teams to new goals, it can also significantly increase peoples respect for us. As one of my heroes, Niccolo Machiavelli, says ‘It is much more secure to be feared than to be loved’.

To create a successful organisation we need to create a culture of fear, a culture where people are on constantly on red alert and always ready to fight, ready to run that extra mile, in order to achieve our success.

firing squad blackadderWhen it comes to creating a culture of fear we need to remember that we only need to shoot one person to get the attention of everyone else, this one small act can be used to motivate the entire organisation.

To do this though we need to choose the right candidate, firing some nobody for failing will not have the effect we desire. We need to find a well respected member of staff and then fire them at their first failure.

When we do that, we have sent out two really strong messages

  1. Failure will not be tolerated
  2. Nobody is safe

This will keep everyone on their toes and will show that failure is not an option.

Now we are well on our way to creating a winning organisation.

‘There is no limit to what a leader can achieve when they know how to use fear correctly’. – Bad Boss.

Gordon Tredgold

Disclaimer: This site is meant for fun, and none of these recommendation should be followed, they are meant purely for entertainment. Use of fear should never be used or tolerated and is sackable offence.

How to Deal with a Bully Boss…


Chronically Late

Chronically Late

Once you become a boss, the rules don’t apply to you anymore. That’s what I think, anyway. One rule that I don’t have to observe is the rule to be on time. I’ve worked too hard to get where I am to follow rules. As a manager, I should be entitled to certain privileges, and not having to follow the clock is one of them. I’ve earned this. I am always late.

I’m late to work in the morning, late to meetings, and lunches are my time, buddy. Don’t expect me to rush through lunch hour or scarf down my steak and potatoes to put out a fire. Whatever is going on in my office, it can wait. I can make my staff wait if I want to.

Time is money; and MY time is valuable. Don’t expect any apologies from me. This is the way that I display and exercise my power.

Leadership and setting the example? Yes, I keep my staff in line when it comes to making sure they get to the office on time. My motto is: “Do what I say, and not what I do.” If my staff want the same privileges that I have, they need to work for it; and in turn, they will become managers themselves.

Meetings – Why should I schedule buffer time between meetings or cancel if I am running late? When it comes to meetings you have two options: wait for me or don’t head to the meeting until you see me moving in that direction. But never, EVER, start the meeting without ME. A meeting that can’t start without me is a meeting that’s worth MY time.

Disclaimer: Punctuality should apply to everyone. A leader sets the example by DOING; not TELLING. This post is an example of what some bad bosses do and should NOT be done. We are not responsible for the use of this example literally in the workplace. 

…because good guys finish last.

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