10 Leadership Quotes – Things Bad Bosses Say

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 10 Things that Bad Bosses Say…

1) “That’s a dumb idea.” There’s nothing more empowering than making someone feel dumb. Impressing upon others how inferior they are will feed your prestige and strength. Especially in a highly competitive setting, you can use this phrase to your advantage to intimidate and keep the rivalry at bay. Employees rarely point out that they are dumb. So why not point it out for them? You don’t pay them to think.

2) “That skirt is really nice on you”. – Women like to be complimented. As a bad boss, appearance should be your first filter to judge any female employee’s level of competence. Always take notice of their appearance. Compliments improve their self esteem, alert them of your expectations for office attire, and improve your office atmosphere. The shorter the skirt, the more praises you give. It’s a behavior reinforcing technique.

3) “This is the way we’ve always done it.” – Avoiding change is one key trait to leading as a bad boss. Change is bad. There is never a need for change. If it’s not broken, why fix it? The current way of doing things works well…most of the time. Employees shouldn’t be so bold as to question the status quo. Changes to routines take time and energy that you don’t have. Mind your comfort zones, people!

4) “That sounds like a personal problem”. – As a bad boss, you will find that employees frequently come to you with their problems. This is not your problem. This is their problem. They need to figure this out on their own time; not time that you are paying them to work. However, you can also use this phrase when the problem is work related and you don’t want to deal with it.

5) “I didn’t write the policy. I just enforce it.” – Oftentimes, employees will complain because they don’t agree with the office policies. Voicing an opinion and making waves on behalf of your employees is a bad idea. This may put a target on the back of your own head. Senior management may try to label you as a troublemaker.

6) “Just figure it out!” – How many times has an employee come to you asking for your help? Employees should be able to find solutions themselves. They should be able to use their brains. You are paying them to do a job and should not have to hold their hand for any step of the way. If an employee consistently approaches you with questions, look for a reason to early terminate.

7) “Who gave you permission to do that?” – Employees should always follow orders, directions, and office policies. There is no room for gray area. As a bad boss, we do not encourage outside-of-the-box thinkers. If employees want to do something, they should ask. They should even ask to use the restroom! Hierarchy and permission are important!

8) “Stop what you are doing, and DO THIS NOW!” – As a bad boss, anything that you need takes priority over anything that your employee is doing. In effect, you’re teaching them better time management skills by filling their plate. They should learn to juggle all these things and still meet your pre-determined deadline.

9) “I received some anonymous feedback about you.” – Whenever a concern is brought to you by an employee, you should address it with the offending worker in question. This is called conflict resolution. As a bad boss, you should always believe hearsay and confront the issue immediately with a judgmental attitude.

10) “If you don’t want this job, I will find someone who does!” – Employees may begin to forget their place in your office. It is important to remind them often that they are expendable. There are many candidates standing in line for their current position. Make them feel like their job is always in peril. In this economy, they’re lucky to have a job at all. This should be reason enough to work harder.

Stuff Managers Say…

 

Disclaimer: Bad Boss is meant to be humorous and should not be taken seriously.

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Positive Aspects of Workplace Diversity

diversityPositive Aspects of Workplace Diversity – How to Be a Bad Boss

When it comes to workplace Diversity, I was never a big fan nor believer, until recently.

I have always thought that there are some groups of people who are just better at getting things done than others, and fortunately, I am a member of that group, which is white anglo-saxon males.

Whenever I wanted to get anything done, I always looked to one of my fellow brethren if I wanted to be sure that the job got done properly. There are so many advantages to this, we speak the same languages so we can clearly understand each other, we both have the same expectations of whats needed, and to be honest I would probably be happier going out for a celebratory beer with them once the job is done.

However. all that changed when my good buddy Dave pointed out that, due to our lack of diversity, we had very few women in our office, which meant the single guys either had to chat up the secretaries – no thank you, or try to hit it off with a colleagues wife at the christmas do, which to be honest isn’t a good move.

Also if we brought our own dates to the office party there was always a chance one of the senior managers might move in, you know how chicks are suckers for men in power. So by introducing more diversity, this would allow us to recruit more women into the company which would really give us single guys, or those married guys who liked to play around, some options right in our own office.

If you interview a good looking babe who doesn’t quite have the skills, you can hire her and just label it under affirmative action, nobody is ever going to question that. So now I have a completely different view of diversity, I see that there can be many advantages, and I have shared this with many of my white anglo saxon males colleagues, and guess what, we’re all in agreement.

But hey, who didn’t see that coming 🙂

 

Disclaimer: Bad Boss is meant to be humorous and should not be taken seriously. Diversity is an important topic and should look to include people of all sexes, races and culture. And Diversity should definitely not be used as a source of date material for an all male office.

To learn the importance of building a diverse organization, please see the articles below:

Diversity in the Workplace: Take ONE…

 

An Ounce of Image… Appear Successful

How to Appear Successful – An Ounce of Image…

The Bad Boss Way

There’s a well knoimagewn saying  ‘An ounce of image is worth a pound of performance’  which basically means, we would be much wiser spending our time on our image to appear successful than working hard.

As there are 16 ounces in a pound, then the general opinion is that by focusing more on our image, then we will be over 10 times more successful than people who focus on results.

Given that success from hard work is never guaranteed, then this is a no brainer, creating a good image is less work and has a higher probability of Success.

So what should your image be:

  • Look successful
    Flashy car, flashy suit, it sounds a cliche, but that’s because it is. Successful people always show the tappings of success: Armani Suit, Porsche, Rolex, etc. If you have all these, then you must be successful. If you can’t afford a Porsche, you can always hire one for the day. Make sure everyone sees it and also make a big deal of it. Then tell people that there is a problem, and you can’t believe the loaner they have given you. Also ensure that you have lots of Porsche Car magazines in your office too, as this will confirm you as a Porsche driver.
  • Look busy
    Always be in a hurry. This is a clear sign of someone who is Successful. If people try to stop you and speak to you, tell them, “Sorry, I’m late for an important meeting”. Always carry lots of papers, and always always be seen taking lots of work home – you don’t need to do any at home, but we’re talking image here.
  • Appear to be in demand
    Successful people are always in demand. So, ensure that your calendar is always full, and encourage suppliers and partners to call requesting your time. Remember you don’t need to go. You just need to appear to be in demand.
  • Be seen with other successful people
    Successful people only ever mix with other successful people. So, the more successful people you can be seen with, the more successful people will think you are. At company functions, only spend time with the senior managers, especially the most senior person there. Also, if you can get your photo taken with a famous celebrity, then make sure this is prominently displayed in your office. We don’t recommend you photoshopping yourself into pictures with say Tom Brady or Barack Obama, not unless it can be done tastefully and well.
  • Show your credentials
    Have your credentials displayed on your wall. If you don’t have a degree, or have a poor degree, then there are plenty of Papermill Universities who will provide certificates for less than $50. If you do create a fake degree, make sure it’s in a subject that you will not need to use so as to not get found out.  For example, I have a PhD in Molecular Biology, but as I work in IT there is no chance anyone will ask me questions on this, but they will still be impressed. If you have any sports trophies you have won, have them on display too. You can always buy trophies and then claim to have picked up an injury which is why you never play anymore.
  • Have a good looking wife/girlfriend
    A sure sign of success is to have a good looking wife or girlfriend; the more glamourous, then the more successful you will appear. If your partner isn’t good looking, then we suggest you dump her. Unless she is incredibly rich, otherwise she is holding your career back. If you’re single, then find a photo of a beautiful woman, and put this on your desk, claiming that this is your ex. Not only will this send the message out that you’re successful, but it will also signal to other good looking women that you’re a catch and will increase your chances of snagging them.

Remember it’s all about image, appearing to be successful, not actually being successful.Image of Success

The more of our suggestions you can follow, the more successful you will appear, and don’t forget people are gullible and believe what they see.

If you do this it will lead to you being offered better jobs, higher salaries, etc,  and the rewards associated with being successful.

Disclaimer: How to Be a Bad Boss is meant to be humorous. This article, is aiming to show the shallowness of people who focus purely on image, which we do not recommend. According to Forbes, a leader’s image has a direct correlation to their leadership abilities. Learn more about this subject at the links below:


 

4 Signs that I Hate You – Playing Favorites

favorites

Behind my back, some of my employees have been grumbling that they think I hate them. How do I know? Well, my little office pet told me. The playing field is NOT level in my office because I play favorites! I’m vindictive so get with the program. I show people not to mess around with me.

There are a few folks on my team who probably shouldn’t be there. This is my clique of like-minded robot followers. I only tolerate bad work from those who I like. If that’s not you, as your boss, I’ll make your life miserable. So, keep your head down and watch your back.

If you’re not one of my brownnosers, I will pit one of my favored employees against you. I get a lot of pleasure from watching the tension mount! I may even get involved and stir the pot by divulging details to fuel the fire. Disputes and conflicts are at an all time high in my department.

You may find that I will whisper to those who are on my side while we are plotting. To protect my position, I will avoid risk at all costs and steer clear of any person who I choose. If there is a new position open, I most definitely will already know who I’ve picked to promote before the deliberations.

At meetings, I don’t waste my time. I will engage more with the senior management than with any member of my staff. Protecting my best interests is the name of my game. Any of the good assignments suggested by my superiors will be given to my little favorite robot.

Here are four signs that you’re not on my list of favorites:

  1. No mentoring or coaching.
  2. Nothing you do will please me.
  3. I will give you the cold shoulder.
  4. You will be excluded from promotions.

Figure out what it means to please me so that you can be a superstar today; or fall into a black hole tomorrow. But, even if you try to make my life easier, by sucking up, or making yourself “front and center”, don’t expect anything from it. If you confront me on this issue, I will deny everything.

I’m only looking out for me.

 

Disclaimer: A manager should deal with all employees fairly. A manager who plays favorites hinders the development and productivity of their department. Bad Boss posts are for entertainment purposes and should not be taken seriously. If you want to be a good boss, do the opposite.

…because good guys finish last.

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