Positive Aspects of Workplace Diversity

diversityPositive Aspects of Workplace Diversity –¬†How to Be a Bad Boss

When it comes to workplace Diversity, I was never a big fan nor believer, until recently.

I have always thought that there are some groups of people who are just better at getting things done than others, and fortunately, I am a member of that group, which is white anglo-saxon males.

Whenever I wanted to get anything done, I always looked to one of my fellow brethren if I wanted to be sure that the job got done properly. There are so many advantages to this, we speak the same languages so we can clearly understand each other, we both have the same expectations of whats needed, and to be honest I would probably be happier going out for a celebratory beer with them once the job is done.

However. all that changed when my good buddy Dave pointed out that, due to our lack of diversity, we had very few women in our office, which meant the single guys either had to chat up the secretaries – no thank you, or try to hit it off with a colleagues wife at the christmas do, which to be honest isn’t a good move.

Also if we brought our own dates to the office party there was always a chance one of the senior managers might move in, you know how chicks are suckers for men in power. So by introducing more diversity, this would allow us to recruit more women into the company which would really give us single guys, or those married guys who liked to play around, some options right in our own office.

If you interview a good looking babe who doesn’t quite have the skills, you can hire her and just label it under affirmative action, nobody is ever going to question that. So now I have a completely different view of diversity, I see that there can be many advantages, and I have shared this with many of my white anglo saxon males colleagues, and guess what, we’re all in agreement.

But hey, who didn’t see that coming ūüôā

 

Disclaimer: Bad Boss is meant to be humorous and should not be taken seriously. Diversity is an important topic and should look to include people of all sexes, races and culture. And Diversity should definitely not be used as a source of date material for an all male office.

To learn the importance of building a diverse organization, please see the articles below:

Diversity in the Workplace: Take ONE…

 

An Ounce of Image… Appear Successful

How to Appear Successful –¬†An Ounce of Image…

The Bad Boss Way

There’s a well knoimagewn saying ¬†‘An ounce of image is worth a¬†pound of performance’ ¬†which basically means, we would be much wiser spending our time on our image to appear successful than working hard.

As there are 16 ounces in a pound, then the general opinion is that by focusing more on our image, then we will be over 10 times more successful than people who focus on results.

Given that success from hard work is never guaranteed, then this is a no brainer, creating a good image is less work and has a higher probability of Success.

So what should your image be:

  • Look successful
    Flashy car, flashy suit, it sounds a cliche, but that’s because it is. Successful people always show the tappings of success: Armani Suit, Porsche, Rolex, etc.¬†If you have all these, then you must be successful. If you can’t afford a Porsche, you can always hire one for the day. Make sure everyone sees it and also make a big deal of it. Then tell people that there is a problem, and you can’t believe the loaner they have given you.¬†Also ensure that you have lots of Porsche Car magazines in your office too, as this will confirm you as a Porsche driver.
  • Look busy
    Always be in a hurry. This is a clear sign of someone who is Successful. If people try to stop you and speak to you, tell them, “Sorry, I’m late for an important meeting”. Always carry lots of papers, and always always be seen taking lots of work home – you don’t need to do any at home, but we’re talking image here.
  • Appear to be in demand
    Successful people are always in demand.¬†So, ensure that your calendar is always full, and encourage suppliers and partners to call requesting your time. Remember you don’t need to go. You just need to appear to be in demand.
  • Be seen with other successful people
    Successful people only ever mix with other successful people.¬†So, the more successful people you can be seen with, the more successful people will think you are. At company functions, only spend time with the senior managers,¬†especially the most senior person there. Also, if you can get your photo taken with a famous celebrity, then make sure this is prominently displayed in your office. We don’t recommend you photoshopping yourself into pictures with say Tom Brady or Barack Obama, not unless it can be done tastefully and well.
  • Show your credentials
    Have your credentials displayed on your wall. If you don’t have a degree, or have a poor degree, then there are plenty of Papermill Universities who will provide certificates for less than $50. If you do create a fake degree, make sure it’s in a subject that you will not need to use so as to not get found out. ¬†For example, I have a PhD in Molecular Biology, but as I work in IT there is no chance anyone will ask me questions on this, but they will still be impressed.¬†If you have any sports trophies you have won, have them on display too. You can always buy trophies and then claim to have picked up an injury which is why you never play anymore.
  • Have a good looking wife/girlfriend
    A sure sign of success is to have a good looking wife or girlfriend; the more glamourous, then the more successful you will appear. If your partner isn’t good looking, then we suggest you dump her. Unless she is incredibly rich, otherwise she is holding your career back. If you’re single, then find a photo of a beautiful woman, and put this on your desk, claiming that this is your ex. Not only will this send the message out that you’re successful, but it will also signal to other good looking women that you’re a catch and will increase your chances of snagging them.

Remember it’s all about image, appearing to be successful, not actually being successful.Image of Success

The more of our suggestions you can follow, the more successful you will appear, and don’t forget people are gullible and believe what they see.

If you do this it will lead to you being offered better jobs, higher salaries, etc,  and the rewards associated with being successful.

Disclaimer: How to Be a Bad Boss is meant to be humorous. This article, is aiming to show the shallowness of people who focus purely on image, which we do not recommend. According to Forbes, a leader’s image has a direct correlation to their leadership abilities. Learn more about this subject at the links below:


 

4 Signs that I Hate You – Playing Favorites

favorites

Behind my back, some of my employees have been grumbling that they think I hate them. How do I know? Well, my little office pet told me. The playing field is NOT level in my office because I play favorites! I’m vindictive so get with the program. I show people not to mess around with me.

There are a few folks¬†on my team who probably shouldn’t be there. This is my clique of like-minded robot followers. I only tolerate bad work from those who I like. If that’s not you, as your boss,¬†I’ll make your life miserable. So, keep your head down and watch your back.

If you’re not one of my brownnosers, I will pit one of my favored employees against you. I get a lot of pleasure from watching the tension mount! I may even get involved and stir the pot by divulging details to fuel the fire. Disputes and conflicts are at an all time high in my department.

You may find that I will whisper to those who are on my side while we are plotting. To protect my position, I will avoid risk at all costs and steer clear of¬†any person who I choose. If there is a new position open, I most definitely will already know who I’ve picked to promote before the deliberations.

At meetings, I don’t waste my time. I will engage more with the senior management than with any member of my staff. Protecting my best interests is the name of my game. Any of the good assignments suggested by my superiors will be given to my little favorite robot.

Here are¬†four¬†signs that you’re not on my list of favorites:

  1. No mentoring or coaching.
  2. Nothing you do will please me.
  3. I will give you the cold shoulder.
  4. You will be excluded from promotions.

Figure out what it means to please me¬†so that¬†you can¬†be a superstar today; or fall into a black hole tomorrow. But, even if you try to make my life easier, by sucking up, or making yourself “front and center”, don’t expect anything from it. If you confront me on this issue, I will deny everything.

I’m only looking out for me.

 

Disclaimer: A manager should deal with all employees fairly. A manager who plays favorites hinders the development and productivity of their department. Bad Boss posts are for entertainment purposes and should not be taken seriously. If you want to be a good boss, do the opposite.

Five Ways to be a Hands OFF, Paper Shuffler

hands-off

As a boss, I understand¬†how important it is to establish strong relationships with my direct reports. That’s why I don’t establish strong relationships with my direct reports. I avoid¬†getting involved in ‘messy’ interpersonal relationships. Leaving them alone is exactly what’s needed for my team to sink or swim.¬†We work in a jungle and my employees need to learn how to survive.¬†They should know how to do their job, so why should I care how they do it, just as long as it gets done?

I have learned that certain behaviors keep my employees beneath me. Here is my list of what my employees can expect of me as a hands OFF boss.

  1. I don’t get involved. I have learned that intervening hinders the employees experience and can develop a needy personality. The employee will¬†begin to rely on me and give up trying all together. It’s best just to let them work their problems out on their own and never, EVER, speak of personal problems to me.

  2. I don’t clarify. I find it best to let my employees think for themselves and figure things out on their own. It’s best to keep my¬†employees in the dark regarding the direction of the company so you can surprise them with bad news and impossible deadlines. This keeps them alert and always attentive. Sometimes when I’m bored, I will purposely provide direction in the form of riddles or leave muffled instructions on my answering machine for them to follow.

  3. I don’t set goals for employees. It’s best for your employee to work under you aimlessly, and without a clear career path. Providing goals¬†for improvement just disappoints them when they can’t reach your high expectations. I just tell them they hold a unique “hybrid” position and that I can “plug and play” them into many roles. They feel versatile and elite, when truly they are just working in circles, under me…forever.

  4. I don’t give positive feedback. Employees love being looked down on and insulted.¬†I’m sure studies have shown that employees¬†are born with the desire for verbal abuse, and will quit if treated nicely. Treating employees nice breaks the spell and they realize they are better off working for someone else.

  5. I’m never timely or decisive. Regarding their personal schedules and issues, it means nothing. Employees enjoy being disregarded and forgotten. By never giving my employees a straight answer on raises, vacations, etc., keeps them anticipating. They continually believe I’m actually contemplating their¬†request. Since their lives are meager and uneventful, this extends a little excitement and hope to them.

Disclaimer:  Building interpersonal relationships is good leadership and creates high-performance teams. Bad Boss posts are for entertainment purposes only and should not be taken seriously.  Be a Good Boss and do the opposite.

…because good guys finish last.

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