Free Babysitters!

Child Care

My kids are well behaved and adorable, yet my employees complain when I bring them to work. I work in a business which has a strict policy against this, but I am the boss. I call the shots here in my office. Free childcare is on my agenda.

Do my kids interfere with my secretary’s ability to do her job? Do I care? More than likely they are with me because their regular daycare has asked me to pick them up due to a high fever, which is out of my control. My secretary just needs to focus on the rules that I have set for her when caring for my children to avoid a meltdown.

  1. Do not correct my kids. Sure, little Billy chases you around and yells, “You’re fired!” He is my protege and will someday follow in my footsteps.
  2. Give them what they want. If Susie asks for that candy bar, highlighter, or paper on your desk; better hand it over. Susie is used to getting what she wants.
  3. Count to ten. If my kids start getting loud by hollering or running around the office, just count to ten. Counting warns them that their behavior is unacceptable.
  4. The Paper Shredder. Keep both of my kids away from the paper shredder. Last time Susie jammed cardboard in. It was throwing sparks and smoking when I used it.
  5. Potty training. We are in the process of potty training Susie. If she says that she has to go, that absolutely can’t wait! She will go in her pants.
  6. Snot Tissues. The daycare said that Billy’s nose is running & he is likely suffering from something contagious. He’s complaining of a sore throat so it’s probably strep.
  7. Call their mom. If something happens to get out-of-hand while I am in my meeting, call their mom. She is likely at the gym, getting her nails done, or shopping.
  8. Uncontrollable crying. If either of my kids start to cry uncontrollably, it’s because I have left them with a stranger. Just step away from your desk & take a short breather.
  9. Tune it out. Keep everyone calm while Billy makes animal noises or sings his favorite song. If anyone mentions the disturbance, just tell them to tune it out.
  10. Nap Time. My meeting may run a little long and into the kid’s regular nap time. They may become cranky. Make a spot under your desk and I will wake them when I get back.

Disclaimer: Follow your company’s policies regarding whether or not to bring your kids to work. Disregarding company policies can get you fired. This post is an example of what some bad bosses do and should NOT be done. We are not responsible for the use of this example literally in the workplace.


Fear Tactics to Discourage Irritating Questions

little people

I came into the office today with a great attitude! For once, I wanted to sit in my executive black leather chair and zone out for half the day. Our biggest customer was on my tail late last night about meeting deadlines. A knock on my door is the last thing that I want to hear.

What I have come to realize is that my office is filled with incompetent employees who need me for everything. There are some useful fear tactics that I’ve picked up to discourage time wasters from asking questions.

When my solace is interrupted by that first knock on my door, I make an example of that employee so the rest of the office knows the status of my mood.

  • Yelling – I love it! It just makes me feel in control. My voice echoing through the office from my gut reminds everyone who calls the shots. It’s not just about howling thunderous words for no real reason. I attack their intelligence and common sense for asking the question in the first place. The purpose is for all eyes to focus on this individual as an example; to keep their heads down and work. Some of my favorite phrases are, “What do you want NOW?!”, or “Oh, it’s YOU again!?!”, or “Go back to your desk and FIGURE it OUT!”, or “IF I have to do your job, then WHY do I have you here?!”
  • Throwing Things – Now, I am baffled when they don’t immediately retreat back to their desk. Which proves that they are just stupid. This is when I resort to throwing things. I throw anything that is within arms reach on my desk. Usually this is something large enough to make them think, but small enough to avoid a lawsuit. After all, it’s his words against mine. Objects usually consist of paper, pencils, paper clips, my stapler, a book; you get the picture. It’s doesn’t matter if I hit them or not, it’s the act of throwing things that gets MY point across.
  • Physical Contact – Usually the first two tactics are enough. No one is going to challenge my authority after that humiliation. Still, I have had to push or shove a few employees out of my office. Right after their leg crosses the threshold, I will either close or even slam the door behind them to enforce my point. I have enough pressures to deal with than allowing loiters in my office. I have pressures from ABOVE, BELOW, and from the SIDES! This should more than justify my behavior.
  • Be Unapproachable – In order to keep pesky employees from bringing their irritating questions to me, I have also learned to be unapproachable. One way that I do this is by keeping my office door shut at all times. When my office phone rings, I don’t answer it unless it’s my boss. If you don’t already have caller ID, I recommend it. Screen your calls! Employees only deserve so much of your time! My last point of advise is to only respond to E-mails if absolutely necessary, but whenever possible, reply to all, include text in ALL CAPS, and make sure the tone is filled with tyranny, condescendence, and sarcasm.

Disclaimer: Always treat people with respect and how you would want to be treated. Yelling, throwing things, physical contact, and being unapproachable shows that you lack leadership skills. This post is an example of what some bad bosses do and should NOT be done. We are not responsible for the use of this example literally in the workplace.

Reward and Recognition

high 5There’s a great deal of talk about the benefits of Reward and Recognition, and how these can be used to raise the morale of a department or company.

But we need to be careful, remember bonuses cost money, and they do eat into our profits, which is not good for the morale of the management board or shareholders.

We shouldn’t forget that we bonus our staff each and every money when we pay them their salary, and we do this, whether they did a great job or not.

Also what about the morale of the rest of the team, if people who do a good job get paid more, then this will demotivate them and lets face it, we have more people doing a poor or average job than a good job, so this could have a really damaging impact on the overall morale of the company

What we should do is look to just bonus senior managers, like ourselves, this will then motivate them to do a good job and become managers themselves. This gives them something to strive for which is much more motivating than an occasional bonus, which you may or may not get, and depends on them doing a good job.

Recognition is also difficult to administer, if we start to recognise too much, then people can get complacent, and will then only look to do their job if they feel that they will be recognised for it.

Its the same with thanking people, once you start you can end up in a situation where you need to thank everyone for everything, or nothing gets done.

So avoid this vicious circle, by thanking no one.

We should look to ignore people who just doing their job, or who only achieving minor success, this will make them try harder to please us.

We need to make it difficult for people to get recognised, thus ensuring that they will work harder in order to achieve their 15 second of fleeting fame.

When we only recognise the truly outstanding work or results, then we give real value to Recognition and increase its importance.

Recognising everyone for any minor success just cheapens Recognition, diminishing its power to inspire and motivate people.

So as you can see we need to take care with how we use Reward and Recognition, in the wrong hands they can create more problems than the prevent, and that will have a detrimental effect on the moral of the company.

The Bad Boss recommendation to optimise the returns on Reward and Recognition is a simple 2 step process which, if followed, will prevent problems occurring and will increase moral.

  1. Only Reward Managers/Bosses
  2. Only  Recognise truly outstanding work

This simple approach will give your teams a great goal to aim for and will encourage them to work really hard to achieve outstanding result in order to be recognised.

Now that’s the power of Reward and Recognition!

Disclaimer: Rewards and recognition should be used to improve company morale and culture. All levels of employees should be included in a rewards and recognition program. This post is an example of what some bad bosses do and should NOT be done. We are not responsible for the use of this example literally in the workplace.


There Is No I in TEAM, But….

images-15People keep telling me that there in no I in Team, but I always remind them that, although that is true, there is one in Win.

And if we want to Win, which I always do, then I need to be involved, I need to be leading the charge, and I need to ensure I get my fair share of the credit for the victory or for any of the success that we achieve, let’s face it I am the boss after all.

In my experience it’s losers who are constantly making the claim on there being no I in Team, that way they can claim to be part of the success, try and share in the glory.

But why should we share success with people who were just on the team?

There is always someone who scores the winning goal, who throws the winning pitch, that’s the guy who usually gets remembered. If it’s all about teams why do we have Most Valuable Player awards.

We need to stop pandering to these people, just because you participated doesn’t mean you were part of the success, in reality you were probably just making up the numbers.

The leader sets the plan, he picks the team, he’s in charge, ergo it’s his success, the team should be thankful if the leader mentions them at all.

Sometime when you take this approach people want to quit the team, but let’s face it, thats not really a major issue, there are always plenty of people lying around who can make up the numbers, so they won’t be missed.

We need to remember that without the I we don’t get a Win.

Disclaimer: Teamwork is essential for success. Building high performance teams is good leadership. This post is an example of what some bad bosses do and should NOT be done. We are not responsible for the use of this example literally in the workplace.


…because good guys finish last.

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