Creating dysfunctional teams is the favorite pastime of the bad boss. The bad boss enjoys making a big mess out of the team. The big mess is actually the bad boss’ way of handling the team correctly.

The technique involves two stages. First, the bad boss envisions himself or herself as a hero conqueror to save the primitive subordinates from themselves. Second, he or she then goes about the conquest.

Stage 1 – The first stage is important. The bad boss thinks of himself or herself as a hero conqueror out to rule a place where there are lots of fierce but primitive and unsophisticated warriors that are just dying to be led by some great power. Hence, the bad boss must exude an air of a noble heroic conqueror out to save the day.  To do this, the bad boss must find a suitable henchman. The bad boss must have someone who will be loyal to the bad boss no matter what. After identifying the henchman all the rests are enemies that need to be either annihilated or conquered.

Stage 2 – The second stage is all about how the bad boss goes about the conquest of his or her team. The techniques are tried and tested. It’s guaranteed to be effective and potent. The conquering part is done using the simplest but challenging strategy called “divide and conquer.” The team members should never see eye to eye. The bad boss should prevent mutual understanding among members. This is done with the following in mind.

Keep enmity among the team members. This will make them busy looking for each other’s faults and mistakes. This is the bad boss’ way of keeping tabs on each member. It’s the bad boss’ brilliant way of delegating his or her overseeing functions without the members knowing it.  The bad boss will take different sides and encourage one to engage on skirmishes with one another promising support and withholding it for whatever justifications when it would create more enmity. The bad boss will allow his or her members to compete for alliance with him or her at all and any cost but never with each other.

Cause confusion. The bad boss should keep communication lines unclear, illogical and of no use. There should be no clear communications among the team members. Should there be any showing that one is being attempted to be established, quickly destroy it. Everyone should be left in the dark and only the bad boss knows what to do, supposedly anyways. The bad boss makes sure that his or her acts follow unclear paths so that no one knows what to do.

Policies and rules are formalities but never to be followed. The bad boss likes creating rules and policies for each and every thing that happens. However, the bad boss always comes up with an exception and is always wise to know how it is to be applied or if not to be applied. There are rules which can’t be relied on because the interpretation lies with the bad boss. The unwritten rule about this is that the rules are enforceable if the bad boss will be served by it, otherwise tough luck.

Grapevine communication lines network. The bad boss gives weight to all communications that comes out of this manner of communication. In fact this is the real deal as far as the bad boss is concerned. He or she invests heavily on this communication network and it serves as basis for his or her decisions or actions. This is actually the official communication lines as far as the bad boss is concerned and is a well guarded secret from all the team members.

Establish an espionage work. The bad boss learns about spying skills in James Bond movies or that of Mission Impossible movies. The bad boss never really trusts anyone but him or herself. Doing everything above board like checking man hours, evaluating productivity reports, job monitoring, performance evaluations are such a bore and time consuming activity for a bad boss. The bad boss is way above all those things and plays with the big league. The big time bad boss does spying activities. The big boss thinks that there is always a secret out there that he or she must uncover.

The underlying concept here is simple. The bad boss has no other person to rely on but himself or herself to manage a team. In order to maintain power over the team members, the bad boss must keep the team from uniting. This will make the team manageable as far as the bad boss is concerned. Always remember, the bad boss should always be in control!

Example of a good team. 😉

Disclaimer: Bad boss posts are meant to be humorous and should not be taken seriously.

The complete list of bad boss words for defining an employee.

Definition: A bad boss views an employee as…

  • A person to treat as lower than thou.
  • Someone who does lowly or monotonous work.
  • An unskilled worker with a low social class.
  • One who is stupid or an idiot.

Don Draper tells his employee… “I don’t think about you at all.”

Here goes…

To the bad boss, a menial employee is a peon, slave, worker, inferior, staffer, gimp, blue-collar, laborer, subordinate, hand, wage earner, desk jockey, human resource, personnel, workforce, dogsbody, drudge, drone, foot soldier, plugger, grunt, grub, slogger, toiler, workhorse, coolie, porter, serf, lazybone, loafer, slouch, idler, slug, 9 to 5er, goldbrick, shirker, nobody, straggly, servant, bondman, insurgent, mutineer, revolter, chattel, thrall, indentured servant, domestic, lackey, handmaid, attendant, odalisque, helot, thrall, agnostic, discordant, fief, stooge, pillion, muppet, puppet, airhead, bimbo, derp, dingbat, doofus, clutz, nimrod, bozo, couch potato, creep, lush, mule, plank, pinhead, tool, twit, wasteman, minion, etc.

Have we missed any? Leave your comments below.

As a bad boss, how do you use some of these words? Some of these derogatory terms are particularly useful for the bad boss when he can’t remember his employee’s names. For example:

  • Muppet: a stupid person or an idiot. Call your employee and say, “Come to my office now, Muppet!”
  • Wasteman: a worthless person. You pass your employee’s cubicle and joke, “Wasteman, you’re a waste of space”.

Other derogatory terms for employees, by the bad boss, can be used as a classing system for referring to your lowly workforce as a whole. For instance:

  • Stooge: serves merely to support bad boss. Looking out over your production line, from behind a glass window, tell your superior, “Just look at how hard my stooges work.
  • Minion: servant of a more powerful person. Your superior asks you to do a menial task. Respond to your boss, “Ok, I will get one of my minions on it.”

By the way, to a good boss, an employee is a partner or teammate. Derogatory language in the workplace can create a hostile work environment.

Disclaimer: Bad Boss posts are meant to be humorous and should not be taken seriously. Here is an interesting article on derogatory terms in the workplace:

King Joffrey is my bad boss hero! His Game of Thrones character can teach us a lot about how to get ahead of the corporate game early, secure the best career adviser,  be a bad boss; or the office tyrant:

Get ahead of the game early. – Claw your way to the top before anyone else! Use any means necessary to secure your position. So what you if you don’t know how to lead, you can learn later. Because, everything you already know came from your mother; which brings us to our second point.

Learn the best strategies from your mother. – Since you’ve secured your position early, you will need to call your mom to discuss any work-related questions. Do not rely on your own work experiences or  critical thinking skills, because at this point you have none. Trust no one else but your mom; in fact…

Violence solves problems. – Since you are such an inexperienced leader, you will need to use violence to secure your authority and power from position. Your mom likes drama, so this behavior should please her.

Anyone who has wisdom or morality above your own deserves scorn. – These people should be seen as a threat. Their scholarly opinions, goodwill, and kindness makes you look bad. No one deserves our respect or honor.

Whine about everything! – If your project or anything in your department fails, go on the defense.

  • “Don’t look at me!”
  • “It’s ugly out there!”
  • “I don’t want to talk about it!”

Ill-Treatment is deserving of those who are beneath us. –

  • “Fire him! Fire all of them; I command it!”
  • “Go back out there and do your job!”

Tattling to upper management to get rid of competition. – If anyone becomes a threat, or you just don’t like them, go to upper management and tell them a story; even if you have to make one up.

Break Promises. Say one thing; and do the complete opposite. Tell your subordinate they did a great job on the task; you will let upper management know about it, but don’t. Offer a raise to increase productivity; & then go back on your word. Say they can have the day off; but then schedule them for the shift.

…and finally…

Don’t accept insults, always remind them who is boss…

Disclaimer: Bad Boss posts are meant to be humorous and should not be taken seriously.

  • The New York Times : The Value of Working for a Bad Boss.

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