How to be an out-of-date Dinosaur Boss? FIRST, and foremost you need to work for the same department or company for many, many years. Some can do this by starting a job right out of high school, at eighteen, or college, in their twenties or thirties. Then focus on your aggressiveness and strong tendency to acquire money into your forties, fifties, or right to your last gasping breath. Secure yourself a coveted boss position and hold on tight for the rest of your career! During your rise to the top, learn every aspect of your job so that you gain a knowledge of the inner workings of everything.
Next, exercise your obnoxious know-it-all attitude. Ultimately, your desire will be to hire employees who act and think like you do. But, that is just not possible. Act in ways that make newer younger, or fresh-out-of-college, workers resent you. Begin a long term habit of dismissing other’s ideas, opinions, and suggestions for any kind of change, innovation, or improvement. Adopt the mentality that if it’s not broken, why fix it? Say things like, “We’ve done it this way for the last 25 years”.
Lord your years of experience over everyone by ensuring that they know you are “great and powerful” and they are lowly and beneath you. Your position and social standing, in your eyes, give you the right to treat others any way that you choose. You say anything that you desire regardless of how cruel or unkind. Your employees have no choice but to overlook your downgrading remarks and shower you with their insincere praises. Never allow an employee to get a word in edgewise as you reminisce out loud about some great thing only you were able to accomplish for the company, back in the day.
In your earlier years, working for the company, you exhibit a knowledge of the technology within your business or industry. However, over time, as the out-of-date dinosaur boss, you will need to become incompetent and clueless as to the new technology and terminologies. Create some mass confusion by ordering incorrect equipment and distribute responsibility to fix the problem to your younger tech savvy workers. Never acknowledge that you need to move forward with learning the new technologies and always act in a perfunctory, uncommitted fashion, as if it doesn’t matter.
In the breakroom, surround yourself with those of your same age group. There is nothing more job securing to you than being able to relate to other out-of-date dinosaur bosses. Complain to your colleagues about the “young whippersnappers” because behind your back they are calling you an “old fogie”. Forget about what it was like to be back when you were a younger freshly new worker yourself. The day-to-day stresses of being the out-of-date dinosaur boss are enough for you to worry about.
Disclaimer: Bad Boss posts are meant to be humorous and should not be taken seriously. However, we realize that working for a bad boss is no laughing matter. Do you have an experience working for an out-of-date Dinosaur boss? If so, please tell us about it HERE.
Here at Bad Boss we are starting a Dictator Management Advocacy. Learn how to be a good dictator and gain absolute power, as a BAD BOSS, right here! Muh ha ha ha ha. Muh ha ha!
First, you need to become an achiever and strive to be at the top in whichever department that you are currently working. Once you achieve your desired position, ultimately your goal should always be to strive to keep going up the corporate ladder until you eventually reach the top. But, until then here are some common dictator behaviors that you should adopt.
Cultivate some single-minded, greedy, and power hungry goals. “To succeed in your mission, you should have single-minded devotion to your goal” – Abdul Kalam. What are some examples of single minded goals, you say? The opposite of single mindedness is a team player. So, don’t be a team player. Only think of your own needs. Dismiss anyone with an inkling of an idea or any information that does not contribute to your single-minded goal.
Gather a group of only like-minded followers. Create fear or a problem so that your group of like-minded followers feel that they need you to correct the situation. One way to do this is by firing anyone who refuse to contribute, or object, to your single-minded goal. Become lacking in any form of human nature. Don’t tolerate ANY unconformity. Have meetings in which you are the head, main speaker, disallowing any collaboration of thought or understanding by discouraging questions.
Definitely dismiss anyone with a higher level of education or experience. They are ultimately a threat! They will in some way take away your power at some point in your single-minded goal-path and must be eliminated immediately! You only want facilitators, or brainless promoters, as your followers. Only recruit and retain those who accept your power and decisions unquestioningly. Keep your followers stupid and under your thumb!
If something goes wrong; learn some coping mechanisms like yelling to gain compliance. Find yourself a scapegoat within your clan of robots. This person will take the blame for anything that goes wrong with your dictatorship. This covers your butt and guarantees your future. Because no one should ever know that you could possibly make a mistake. Remember, followers are key to your dictatorship. However, you need to always maintain strict order with your followers so that your superiors are convinced that you have everything under control.
Speaking of superiors, you should be gaining their loyalties by showering them with an unwavering brown nosing attitude. Always be out to impress and kiss their butt. Whenever possible, try to wine & dine them. With your responsibilities, have your ducks in a row. There are never problems; you have all the answers and solutions. You are the only one responsible for success. You take all the credit as the mastermind behind everything; and failures are always attributable to your scape goat.
You are now unstoppable!
Disclaimer: Bad Boss posts are meant to be humorous. We DO NOT advocate you becoming a dictator. Dictators are terrible bosses! Do you have a real life experience working for a dictator boss? Tell us about it HERE.
How to be a toddler boss…
Get dressed for work – First, your mom will shake you awake, get you up, and then help you bathe and put your clothes on for the day. Then, she will pack you a lunch, pat you on the bottom as you walk out the door, and load you into her car to be delivered to your “job” where you’re the boss.
Rumors about You – As a baby toddler boss, your employees, colleagues, and superiors all expect you to do several things, which include: throwing tantrums, getting upset, melting down, losing it, being unreasonable, unpredictable, bragging, demanding, being insensitive, bullying, refusing to share or take turns, being stubborn, lying, self-absorbed, territorialism, and doing the opposite of what you say, or that people tell you to do, ignoring employees and their concerns, among other childish pastimes. Just a few examples…
- Being Unreasonable – Firing employees at the drop of a hat for any/or no reason at all; and in front of everyone no less.
- Refusing to Take Turns – Jumping into the elevator, or pushing your way in, before anyone can exit first.
- Being Insensitive – Not knowing your employees names; or even caring that you don’t. In fact, you call them by any wrong name.
- Doing the opposite – Telling an employee that they can take a vacation day; but then scheduling them to work anyway.
What People Say – Your coworkers will say things behind your back, such as, “He acts like a child”. “He can dish it, but he can’t take it”. “Give that task to Gerald’s group instead, the Baby Toddler boss will just have a melt-down”. “Don’t go in his office right now, he’s having a tantrum; or sucking his thumb”. Someone may even ask your secretary if she forgot to bring your bottle, pacifier, or security blanket today.
A Taxing Situation – Working with a bad boss, any bad boss, can be difficult. But, you (the baby toddler boss) are particularly taxing because you are literally in training pants on a daily basis. To your team, it seems that you will never grow up. They are anxious to see you potty trained already because they are tired of changing your diaper. Yes, your coworkers are weary of trying to remain calm while timing their communication, and sugar coating it, with you; anticipating problems in their “parenting” of you.
Boo Hoo, No one Respects You – There is little that you do as far as thinking through your situation to cope. Your reactions to stressful situations are just that: reactions. You live in a fantasy world where your behavior, endless questioning, fickleness, neediness, helplessness, forgetfulness, short attention span, mood swings, and irrational fears are acceptable. But, as a Baby Toddler Boss, you don’t concern yourself with other’s needs (only your own) remember? So, here’s a lolly pop. Your employee will tell you that they have it under control”, they are on it, or it’s already being handled. Go back to your office and finish your warm bottle of milk. Rest assured that your mom will be here shortly to pick you back up, feed you supper, tuck you in, and tell you a nighttime story.
The Worst Boss in the World
Disclaimer: Bad Boss posts are meant to be humorous and should not be taken seriously. Do you have a real life experience working for a baby toddler boss? Tell us about it by clicking HERE.
Have you ever read The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? It is a book about a man, Dr. Jekyll (the good guy) who is also Mr. Hyde (the bad guy). This scenario is called a split personality, or a bi-polar disorder, which is a not-so-rare mental condition nowadays.
How does this have anything to do with being a bad boss you say? Actually, I think it is such a brilliant idea to cover your flaws with your awesomeness.
As a boss, I believe balance is the key. You can’t be all too friendly with your subordinates or else they would think that they could get away with anything. The moment you see them letting their guards down and getting too close for comfort, you tell them to mind their own business and get back to work.
Same applies if I had a really awful morning at home. Let’s say, I fought with my wife because she’s accusing me of not having enough time for her and the kids. What rubbish! I can’t understand and accept that she sees it that way. So I go to work, feeling terrible and ready to strangle anyone who crosses my path.
What do you know, there is Bob who chose that exact time to submit a horrible report. Aha! Here’s my chance to unload, decompress, unburden myself of the bad feelings, the guilt and all those nasty words that I wanted to say to my wife, but can’t (Are you kidding me?! Divorce is very expensive)…
…and Bob was there at the right time and place. Time to blow off steam… so I let him have it! I told him what I really think of that trashy report. It doesn’t matter if he didn’t sleep the night before just to finish it. This is my chance to lash at someone or I’ll go crazy!
Like a good subordinate, he just stood there, making lame excuses or apologizing, whenever I stop talking to catch my breath. Oh, you bet I let him really have it! After lunch, I realized that I should make up for what I had done. I should do something to make Bob and the rest of my team, who saw and heard everything, forget that I’m quite a monster.
So I say, “Team, let’s have lunch…my treat!” At the nearby Chinese restaurant, while slurping their noodles and munching on dim sum, I tell each of my guys how wonderful they are. I tell everyone how Clarence closed a big account, or how Mitch fast-tracked a particularly overdue project, and don’t forget my buddy Bob, whom I could always depend on for crucial competitive report…and all is well again in Neverland…or so they thought. Bwa haha ha! (evil laugh).
No one needs to know the real me. Oh come on! Everybody has a bad side. All I have to do is compensate every time I did something sinister (like the bad boss that I am) and once again, I am their hero, the charming debonair. Clever isn’t it?
Disclaimer: Bad Boss posts are meant to be humorous and should not be taken seriously. A Jekyll and Hyde boss can be a hard type of bad boss to work for as you never know what their mood will be.